Rocky Top Preview: Dazed and Confused

The Tennessee Volunteers are the greatest team in the world, that's what I think every time I see them play on a Saturday in the fall. I know it sounds foolish, but they are to me and I have my reasons. My father's entire family grew up in Knoxville, for a short period I lived there as a child, and I attended college at UT. So to me there is nothing better then 100,000 people singing "Rocky Top" at the top of their lungs. From the checkerboard end zones to the team running through the T, I love it all. And can anyone tell me with a straight look on their face that there is a cooler mascot than Smokey?

I have moved a lot in my lifetime. Eleven times to be exact, remember I am only twenty-four. So I have been to my fair share of public schools, and have been lucky enough to meet great friends in each city I have lived. But I have met a lot of jerks, people that get enjoyment out of making your day a terrible one. That is exactly how I view a season in the SEC, whether your playing a first place team trying to get in the BCS or a team that is trying to win their first SEC game, they all get an abundance of pleasure out of your pain.

I look at this football season as a new school year with the other SEC teams being in the same home room as the Vols. They all know each other well and no one really knows what to expect from this coming school year as in the SEC anything can happen. In the end they all want to get to the same place , the SEC Championship. Along the way Tennessee meets some new foes and a couple old opponents from the past. Here is my take on Tennessee's schedule for this upcoming season.

UAB,Northern Illinois, and Wyoming:I look at these games as a bad bet between friends. Tennessee bets his friend that he cannot take a punch to the gut from UT. You punch him in the gut and he falls, you win and he gets the money. If he takes the punch and can stay standing, you lose your money and look weak. In this case, Tennessee only wins if they romp over these teams. If not, Tennessee may drop in the standings. Either way the other team is still getting paid.

@ UCLA:
UCLA is the kid who always gets in trouble, you rarely ever see him but when you do its memorable. Whether it was the time that he stole that sign that said stoned rd. or when he threw that pumpkin through the car windshield . You may not see him that often and you're not very sure of what he is capable of, but you will remember the times you run into him forever. For this game Tennessee renews a home and home with UCLA. They have had some exciting games in the past but haven't played in a while. I see this game having huge implications on how successful Tennessee can be this year. Hopefully Tennessee will survive to make the rest of the season a good one.

Florida:
Florida is the teacher's pet. They are good and it is understood why they do well, but you hate them for it. They are annoying, they rub it in your face, and you're a little jealous. But you remember that you didn't have to suck up so much to get where you are and you didn't sport a mullet, wear jorts, or crocs along the way. Florida is the most hated team in the SEC, bar none. Southerners don't think Florida is a part of the South, and I agree. While they are respected for there recent accomplishments, Florida is still looked at like a team that is out of place. Their students are different, their team is different, and they just don't fit in.

@Auburn:
They are your friend's enemy. You hate them but don't really have an explanation as to why. They are from Alabama and kind of annoying as they are always yelling "War Eagle," but it only bothers you every once in a while. In the end, you don't like them because your friend told you not to like them. As time goes on your level of despise for them grows and grows until you hate them almost as much as your friend Georgia does, but that level of hatred would be impossible.This is not the opinion of all Tennessee fans, but it is mine. Auburn doesn't really bother me until the week of the game, when Auburn fans everywhere you go can be heard yelling "War Eagle." It gets in your head and you start to hate every little thing about the place.

@ Georgia:
They are your friend. You have a lot in common; you don't get along with the same people, you have a lot of the same family traditions, and you're both talented in the same areas. You always hope they do well, just as long as you do better. If they do better than you, there is no anger because you know they are as capable as you and sometimes even better. So if they make it far you will root for them against all of their opponents because somehow you think it makes you look good too by association. I believe UGA and UT have a lot in common. They share a hatred of Florida, both have dogs as mascots,both of the respective programs have been consistently good over the last 10 years, both have been a part of the SEC since its inception, and both cannot win at home against each other. I hope Tennessee beats UGA, but if UGA wins the National Championship it will not be as hard to watch as if Florida won it.

Mississippi State:
They are the guy that everyone in your click hates, but they keep showing up to your parties to hang out, oblivious to every one's dislike for them. Showing up like they are one of the guys, while every single person you know craps all over this guy with insults and he loves it because he just wants to be part of the party and is glad he is not at home playing World of Warcraft. Once in a while, he will do something cool like grab a case of beer from his house or bring some hot chick over but in the end he is still that same loser. Mississippi State continually is the worst team in the SEC at football, but they keep coming back for more torture. Sure Miss. St. brought a case to the party when Croom won the SEC Coach of the Year award last year, but you know they are not going to be drinking any of that victory beer this year.

Alabama:
Alabama is the older guy who still goes to high school parties, despite graduating when you were a freshman. He tells stories about how awesome he was at football and how many ladies he had slept with, but now he is just a shift manager at Blockbuster. You ask to yourself, I wonder what happened to him. You remember how great he was and how you hated him for being a jerk to you and your buddies his senior year. You hate him now for being a waste of talent, but you would still despise him even if he was successful. While you're thinking about all of this, he goes and paddles one of the eighth graders at the party. Alabama reminds us every year of their proud history of Bear Bryant and all of their championships. But when was the last time they were consistently relevant, 1992 ..so yeah its been a while. Alabama will continue to annoy us with their reminiscing and their chants of "Roll Tide," but in the end, you know they have to go back to work at Blockbuster on Monday.

@ South Carolina:
USC is the new guy, trying so hard to fit in when they should be hanging out with the ACC. They try so hard that they end up making themselves look stupid and become a joke to everyone else in the school. They could be pretty popular but just end up making the wrong choices in the end, but UT doesn't mind because it usually never affects them negatively. In fact, at your ten year high school anniversary, no one will remember this person. USC is an ACC school in the SEC. They fit in some of the time like when they crushed our good friend UGA last season, helping UT go to the SEC championship, but in the end, how could someone with a bigger rival that's out of conference (Clemson), and not one real rival in conference, fit in with the rest of this hate filled league? Florida only hates USC because of Spurrier, same goes for UGA and UT. Take him out of the equation and they are back to being a forgettable doormat.

@ Vanderbilt, Kentucky:
They are your little brothers. Both of your brothers have different talents; one is extremely smart and one is great at basketball. But you're good at football and their favorite thing to do is play you in football and you can't understand why. Every game has the same beginning and ending. You go kind of easy on them and they play you close, until you eventually shut the door on them and beat them into the ground, causing them to run into the house screaming for mom. You ask them "why do you keep doing this to yourself?" and they both reply "the next time we play, I am going to beat you", you laugh at their promise, knowing it won't happen but once every 50 times. But when that one time happens, you're shocked and vow for it to never happen again. Vandy is 27-69-5 against UT, 2 wins since 1980. Kentucky is 23-71-9 against UT, their last win coming in 1984. They are the automatic SEC wins for UT year in-and-out. Sometimes they will surprise the Vols, like in 2005 when Vandy beat them in Knoxville and last year when UT took 4 overtimes to beat UK. But in the end, they are the teams UT refuses to step down to, just like little brothers.

SEC Championship:
It is Homecoming Court. Last year, Tennessee was voted onto homecoming court, some saw it as a joke and others were just surprised, but in the end, they just lost to the person everyone knew would win. The jock who smells like corn dogs, LSU. If Tennessee can find a way to get back, hopefully they will find a way to win it, but the jock who smells like corn dogs is still there along with the guy who gets older (and the chicks stay the same age) making it a tall task to win homecoming king.

Bowl Games:
They are report cards. If you did well, you know you might get a sweet check from your grandparents. If not you have to go hang out with one of your old buddies, be it Wyoming or UAB, but you secretly hate them for taking that money from you. Seriously, they got knocked out, that is not taking the punch.

In the end, as any SEC fan can attest, you dislike all the teams in the league. There is a different level of hatred reserved for each team but when those teams do well out of conference you are proud and will root for them against those other schools. This rule applies to everyone in the SEC, except for Florida. I vowed never to root for Florida a long time ago and will continue that promise until I die. I bet a lot of SEC fans can agree with me when I say I hope Florida loses every game they play.