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LCB Interviews: Lil Wayne

March 8, 2009

Here at LCB HQ we rarely come across celebrities, but last year we were lucky enough to get in contact with today's guest. He has contributed here in the past, but due to his recent successes he hasn't been around in a while. So we figured it was a perfect time to interview him. This man has gone multi-platinum, won a ton of Grammy awards, and has even appeared on ESPN as a blogger and an analyst. So without further ado let me introduce none other than Lil Wayne himself. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to answer some of our questions, we really appreciate it.

Lil Wayne:
It isn't a big deal. As I climb that mountain to bein the next Skip Bayless, Woody Paige, or Katie Couric--gotta love Katie. She's on my favorite network CBS, which I've loved since Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens. That was the best Monday night lineup, but my favorite Monday night lineup for CBS is the one they got now. Start off with Big Bang Theory. It's got that one dude who looks like a six foot E.T. I'm part extra-terrestrial myself. Then you got How I Met Your Mother, probably by poppin' bottles with Birdman, who is the black Barney Stinson that doesn't wear suits. Then you got Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen is a pimp. He even has little girls lining up to buy his clothing line. Someday I plan on having little girls lining up to buy my clothes. I hope CBS really figures out what to do with that fourth time slot. I'm not really engaged to Rules of Engagement. I digged Worst Week Ever. That dude got in some crazy predicaments. Predicament is on my word of the day calendar. I might drop a line using it on my next album. It'll probably go "I'm in a predicament, or should I say I'm in a pre-erectionment, meaning I'm not quite cement, but have no fear you'll soon hit the pavement." I don't know, man. Times are crazy, but I stay busy. Working keeps my mind off the recession, but I still love everybody that don't got a job.

LCB:
Well you can never underestimate CBS, can you? So back to you Lil' Wayne. Recently you have been blogging on ESPN along with making appearances on a slew of their shows. Since working for the World Wide Leader, do you think that you have become a bigger and/or a smarter fan?

Lil' Wayne:
Man, you're really comin' at me hard today. These are some Plato and Aristotle questions, and I don't mean Shaq. No offense, I got love for the Big Aristotle, and he's a smart dude, but these are the kinds of questions that make my head throb like a hangover with bass. Speaking of bass, yall should cover more bass fishing on your blog. I love bass fishing. There's so many fish in the sea. You see what I did there. I went from bass in your car to bass fishing to making some sexual innuendo. I probably got that from Around the Horn. They jump topics like crazy, but Tony Realli's a cool dude. Maybe I should call him Socrates for teaching me this here logic cause life's kind of like a rubik's cube. You just try and match up the squares and hope you get to Hollywood. I love me some game shows too. Truth is I'm probably ready for Jeopardy by now.

LCB:
I have no idea how you could start with Plato and end with Jeopardy, but its truly astonishing. Your like the hip-hop version of Robin Williams, but you don't do as many drugs. Anyways I don't want to keep you too long from your busy schedule, so one last question for the road: If you could play scrabble with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?

Lil' Wayne:
Just 3 people. That's tough. I mean, if you take just 3 people out of all the people that's lived ever, that's a low batting average. That's Mendoza line low. I know a thing or two about bein' low and gettin' low. Did that go over your head? Let me put it to you this way. I accidentally shot myself Cheddar Bob style, but I still got plenty of pussy cats meowing up my tree. Feel me, so number one on my list of people to Spelling Bee with is Mario Mendoza cause I got love for how he handled that situation. He took being awful and got paid. I mean, he's gotta get paid every time someone mentions the Mendoza line, right? That's G.

Have you seen those commercials. I love them. I really love what Gatorade's doing with the electrolytes. We're in tough economic times, but they're still hydratin' the people. People may be gettin' let go from their jobs or kicked out of their homes, but they ain't thirsty; and those JabbawockeeZ is crazy awesome, like vodka with twice the Red Bull, but I digress. I really love the JabbawockeeZ cause they remind me of one of my favorite children's stories, Alice in Wonderland. Reading Lewis Carroll's poem "Jabberwocky" really took me through the looking glass with my rhymes. Dude is on point when he says, "Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!" I mean he's got words that Webster don't even know, so I'd have to play Scrabble with Mr. Carroll just for the challenge, G.

This last spot is tough, but I got to go with T Pain or God. God is the Word, and the Word is God. I mean that's deep, but God is also the three in one; so that might be like having five people if he brings his whole self, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Plus, how am I gonna beat a dude in Scrabble who rose from the dead. T Pain's hot right now. He's Midas when he touches something, so I'll probably talk to my publicist and see what would get this Scrabble game heard--God of T Pain. Still, it's gonna be right with my boys Mendoza and Carroll. Might not even matter who else shows up.

LCB:
Once again thanks for your time, it truly was a pleasure to sit down with you. I hope we can do this again. Good luck with all of your current and future projects.

Lil' Wayne:
Much love and appreciation. "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves/ Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;/ All mimsy were the borogoves,/ And the mome raths outgrabe." Think of that as a sneak peak as where I'm taking this hip hop game. Peace.

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