Can We Get Some Ketchup with These Fries?

"Ketchup" is a clever pun that means let's catch up, and it's these high octane jokes that keep our number of readers down to myself, Langston, and my Mom. Mom, thanks for supporting all the time I spend on the internet. I look forward to seeing you on Friday when I come out of the basement for the first time in months. PS Is it cool if I bring some laundry for you to do?

Three Futures for America( Tiger Woods, Andy Roddick, and Joey Chestnut):

This past weekend featured three of America's greatest individual competitors, not counting Michael Phelps. Andy Roddick held back tears as he came to terms with the fact that no matter how much he gives of himself he may never win Wimbledon. Tiger became jovial at the idea that not only does he continue to win, but he even gets to present the trophies now, while Joey Chestnut kept on eating.

Joey Chestnut embodies a nation of consumers who produce nothing. He is a ticking time bomb that will eventually evolve into the Nothing from the Never Ending Story . Seriously, when Kobayashi first burst onto the scene, I thought this festival of gluttony was a passing fad; instead, America became obsessed with Kobayashi and searched for someone to prove that no foreigner can out eat an American.

In 2007, Joey Chestnut became America's knight in shining armor and defeated the one known as "The Tsunami"-- Chestnut was American fortitude defeating a natural force, sent from abroad. Now, Chestnut has upped the record of hot dogs devoured in 12 minutes from Kobayashi's mark of 53.75 to 68. Too bad Asia's dominance in the areas of science and math hasn't motivated America to produce a Dr. Chestnut who could put his energies into solving real problems like how to reverse America's transformation from producer to consumer, but instead, Chestnut shoves insane portions of junk food into a space that was never designed to hold that much food--the whole contest is unnatural and goes against natural laws.

On Sunday, the day after Chestnut attempted to eat mankind into extinction by dwindling the world's food supply and conquering the forces of nature yet again, Tiger Woods and Andy Roddick modeled another road for America to take, but while these two athletes have taken the same road, their destinations on that road are quite different.

America has always been an innovator, and constant innovation requires constant adaptation. New situations and problems arise that require new strategies and solutions. America currently faces a tough economic crisis that goes hand in hand with an environmental impasse. The Joey Chestnut model offers hope for solving neither; however Andy Roddick and Tiger Woods offer examples of how one can reinvent who they are and, in doing so, alter their futures.

Andy Roddick began his career as the pretty boy with the big serve, winning the 2003 U.S. Open at the age of 21, but since then, he's become the guy who isn't quite good enough. That clip shows a Roddick that, at the time, people thought had limitless potential. He was both literally and figuratively embraced as the hero of a nation. The problem is Roger Federer won his first Grand Slam the following February and hasn't stopped since, causing people to renege on their hasty embrace of Roddick as the next great anything.

Andy's destiny was not to become the best tennis player of his generation. His destiny was to be a guy who works and competes extremely hard, becoming more than the power server he was at the start of his career but not the champion everyone assumed he would be. Andy has been criticized for not being as good as others thought he was, while all he's done is work to meet the unrealistic expectations placed before him. Andy Roddick is now a good all-around player, but after Sunday, he's still not a Wimbledon champion because he ran into the supernatural force that is Roger Federer. This occurrence is not Andy's failure, but at this point in time, one must assume that Andy's natural place in the world is runner-up to Roger Federer's dominance.

Think of it this way. Humans have "ruled" the Earth for the last 2.5 million years, which is a tiny portion of the Earth's 4.5 billion year life span. Andy Roddick is homo erectus. He took his first steps when he won the U.S. Open, and everyone followed in his footsteps, celebrating, thinking this whole walking on two legs and using sophisticated tools will last forever, but then over consumption and climate change came along just like Roger Federer and made everyone doubt old Andy's inclinations to rise out of creation's mud, displaying that maybe humanity isn't the last step in the evolutionary chain; something better may always be on the horizon, or there are natural laws that dictate just how far homo erectus can walk and just how much homo erectus can achieve. In the least, when Andy Roddick plays Federer, homo erectus stares into a mirror and sees a more sophisticated homo sapien sapien looking back at him.

The conflict for Andy is his self-perception versus his reality. Andy still wants to be the big champion. While everyone else jumps ship, he's still making his walk out of Africa, fighting against a constant chain of defeats to Federer, and each defeat tells Andy that he isn't so far removed from the muck of God's imagination. Andy's constant tweaking of his game is a refusal to accept his given place in the world. He thumbs his nose at the gods with every enthused run at a Grand Slam final, refusing to get the hint that he's not supposed to keep coming back for more, that maybe God is done with him and Global Warming is Heaven's eraser; instead, Andy keeps sticking out his tongue and sketching in his notepad the same footprints he believes changed homo erectus into homo sapien sapien, not realizing that his efforts had little to do with such evolutionary changes. These changes ironically occurred because humanity accepted its place in the world, not because it demanded that the plans of the gods were faulty.

In a way, Andy Roddick's efforts are as unnatural as Chestnut's contests of consumption, albeit more daring and heroic. However, hard work is not always met with constant defeat and the struggle of going against the grain of what is supposed to be. Andy Roddick can not go to sleep as homo erectus and wake up as homo sapien sapien. Homo sapien sapien was born as homo sapien sapien. The same way that Federer and Tiger Woods were.

Tiger Woods burst onto the scene with victories and has continued to be victorious. His win in the '97 Masters was similar to Roddick's U.S. Open in '03 because both rushed to hug their fathers after their "Hello World" wins, but Tiger's destiny, unlike Roddick's, was to remain the victor. Roddick has revamped his game, and all it got him was a part in the longest Grand Slam Final in history; it was the stuff of tragedy, while Tiger's continuous tinkering with his own swing has won him tournament after tournament, including the AT&T this past weekend.

If both of these competitors put in the work to reach the top of their games but only one is a great champion, then one can assume that perhaps there are other things at work here besides man's free will. Perhaps, some stations in life are dictated by natural forces. No matter how hard he worked leading up to Wimbledon, Roddick was not going to defeat Federer, but he had to believe he would be victorious or else he would not have followed through on the changes that placed him in one of the greatest tennis matches of all time. The belief that people can change their destinies is what gives people the energy to walk boldly into the future, even if how boldly one walks does not dictate where one is headed.

Even if America can not alter her destiny, America can still choose which road will carry her into the future. She can stay her current course and wind up as bloated as Joey Chestnut, kicked to the curb of the world's timeline as useless and trivial, or America can reshape herself and get serious about remaking her economy and reversing climate change; but America needs to be well aware that one's effort to achieve greatness does not by itself assure that greatness will be granted. Andy Roddick teaches this lesson every time he comes up painstakingly short, in an effort to realign the stars.

Books to Read:

A lot of what I just wrote was heavily influenced by two books I've read recently. The "thumbing his nose at the god" definitely came from Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, which I wish I'd read about five years ago, when I was still in college and loved anything that questioned everything. Still, I'm glad I just read it because season 5 of Lost just ended, and without giving anything away about the book or the show, Cat's Cradle offers a glimpse at how Lost became one of the most puzzling/rewarding show's in the history of television. In the book, a group of strangers all wind up on a plane that takes them to a mysterious island and the fate of the world is at stake. Sound familiar? It is, except the book prominently features a midget artist instead of a smoke monster.

The above video debuted in 1998; I was in 9th grade. I thought it was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen. It was also around the time when I wanted all my music "to say something," and I didn't care how over the top Pearl Jam or any other artist went "to say something," as long as it wasn't Limp Bizkit saying something.

Anyway, I finally read the book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn this past week. Eddie Vedder read Ishmael and wrote "Do the Evolution." While I haven't written a punk-metal anthem after reading the book, I have gained some new perspective on the world from it. Quinn takes a lot of ideas that usually sound too discombobulated, because they're being recited by hippies, to be taken seriously and organizes them into one well-executed philosophical argument about what's wrong with the world and what can be done to fix it. Quinn tries to end the book on a positive, inspirational note, but as Pearl Jam's video shows, the book's message can also be taken as one of pessimism.

Films to see:

Before grilling out on July 4th, I went and saw Public Enemies. I went with my girlfriend and Steveo. We all came out of the movie saying we liked it. The only weak part about the film was in its exposition. The film didn't clearly frame what statement it wanted to make about Dillinger's life, but the longer the film went, the more I felt it came together, mainly because it has an amazing supporting cast: Christian Bale, Billy Crudup, Giovanni Ribisi, two actors from The Wire, and Marion Cotillard. To me, the film compares favorably with The Untouchables; it's not the perfect film it had the potential to be, but it's worth seeing.

In this way, the film reminded me of this NBA offseason. The film leaves one thinking that if Dillinger had known when to quit or stuck to his belief about only working with guys he trusts, then perhaps his death would not have been so violent. Most NBA champions weather the storms of postseason defeat together before they enjoy the fruits of being the last team standing. The only team I can think that doesn't fit this mold is the 2008 Boston Celtics, who were thrown together before the 07-08 season started but came together because of their overwhelming talent and hunger.

Dillinger worked best when he worked with guys he knew, guys who had been through the trenches with him. Things start unravelling for him when he begins working with other all-star criminals like Baby Face Nelson. I feel like this offseason a lot of NBA teams quit letting their teams grow together and just went out and went looking for Baby Face Nelson's to put them over the top.

The Spurs, Cavs, and Celtics seem to be especially acting like a desperate Dillinger, which is why the Lakers are the early favorites again for next year. The Lakers more than any of these other teams have a group of guys who have been through the fire together. Of course, Ron Artest best resembles Baby Face Nelson out of all these guys, so who knows how this will end? One thing's for sure, the Lakers are the only one of these teams that doesn't look like they just got out of a gunfight and need to be stitched up in the middle of the night already. In other words, all these gambles will only work out for one of these teams, and it's the clean up for all these other teams that could get messy.

If you're looking for a sure thing, go and see The Hangover. It's like the Clippers, but you don't feel guilty for laughing because no one tore an ACL to make the comedic magic happen. Also, if you buy Ron Artest as the over-the-top brother-in-law, then maybe the Lakers are The Hangover, which means that everyone from Gasol to Kobe is in danger of being rufied now.

Music to hear:

If you're looking for something to play while grilling out on your deck or driving down the road, check out Ben Kweller's latest album Changing Horses.

In the past, he's always sounded like Weezer or a piano bar rocker, but Horses shows more of his Texan roots and that maybe homo erectus did have the right idea--the only way to ever get home again is to change up one's style and start walking.