Fries and Ketchup: Beisbol, Pygmies, and Slayers of Dragons

The weekly column where we try and mention anything we missed in the last week (or longer). It's a lot like those moments when you're out of ketchup, at a fine fast food restaurant, but lack the energy to go and get more; so you scrape away at the dregs on your hamburger wrapper, until all you can see is silver aluminum foil. It's classy, yet unrefined.

Dodgers loading up for the playoffs?:
Earlier this week, the Dodgers acquired Jim Thome from the Chicago White Sox and Jon Garland from the Diamondbacks, in what has to be two of the biggest name and biggest "meh" acquisitions of all-time. Jim Thome has over 500 career home runs and will probably end up with a plaque in Cooperstown. But the Dodgers play in the national league, where a first basemen who can't play first base doesn't do them very much good, essentially making Thome a full-time pinch hitter, that is, unless the Dodgers manage to make it to the World Series. The Dodgers making the playoffs as either the winner of the division or wild-card looks like a lock, but the World Series, let's say that's just a bit presumptuous.

Garland was acquired to help round out the rotation, something I believed they accomplished with the call-up of Charlie Haeger and the signing of Vincente Padilla. But lets not forget about Hiroki Kuroda, who will be back from his concussion as early as Sunday. Garland may get 5 starts and if their anything like last night, it will be a good way to end an already great year. But trading a prospect for five games of use, seems like a waste, especially if it's Tony Abreu and his steadily improving OBP. Also, it's not like Garland will be starting in the playoffs, the rotation is set with Bills, Kershaw, Wolf, and Kuroda. So he can move to the bullpen, right? Well an extra arm in the bullpen is nice, but they already have the leagues best ERA, so no real upgrade there.

Of course if Garland continues to pitch like he did last night, he could help the Dodgers make this postseason a memorable one. And if Thome manages to pull off some Matt Stairs magic, it could be well worth it. However at this time those are huge ifs and I just don't see either of these trades really being worth it. Let's just hope that both of them can prove me wrong.

Teach's Book Review:

A couple weeks ago, I finished Chuck Palahniuk's latest book Pygmy, and I'm not really sure what to make of it. The premise is hilarious: a terrorist comes to America disguised as a foreign exchange student, only most of his observations show that America is already doing his job for him. Our addictions to medication are self-inflicted chemical warfare, and our inferior education ultimately sets us up as the perfect targets to be infiltrated and defeated. At its best, the book really is the literary South Park, but at its worst, the book feels unfinished and undeveloped, like Palahniuk was writing for a deadline.

The execution of the book is daring. Palahniuk writes the whole book in broken syntax, to create a cold, robotic dialect for his protagonist, a secret operative from a Communist country in Asia. Even the use of quotations from a plethora of historic dictators provides a serious brevity to the novel, as does the red and yellow jacket cover which features red shadows, exercising kung fu moves like the "flying giant stork death kick" and the "barracuda deadly eye gouge." The problem is that Palahniuk's obsession with genitalia and the grotesque often feels like it is inserted into the plot for no reason, appearing like a crutch when he doesn't know what else to write and causing his efforts to appear lackadaisical in nature.

After a while, some parts of the book feel forced and done purely for shock value, only because we expect this from Palahniuk it doesn't seem that shocking anymore. When Pygmy digs into his host mother's vagina, while she's passed out from date rape drugs, to take the batteries out of her dildo, one's mind wanders to other Palahniuk books, like Diary, that start off well but falter because they never make it off the runway cleanly and completely; ideas weighed down by the efforts, or the lack thereof, to make them fly.

Buy This Album:
Sunset Rubdown "Dragon Slayer"
Three reasons to buy this album;

1. Spencer Krug of Wolf Parade.
   
2. It's not Nickelback.
   
3. Check out the video.