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Aaron Rodgers' Mustache: What America Needs in a Time of Crisis

August 27, 2011

Aaron Rodgers, in my household and family tree, is one of those rare athletes revered for his feats of strength by the males and deemed as dreamy by the women, which is why his horseshoe mustache last night sparked quite the conversation and, for once, pitted men against women, as each gender differed in their opinions on his facial hair.




When I see this finely groomed man, with a humorous smirk, I think, man, I want to hang out with this dude, even if he looks like a retired Oakland A's pitcher who spends his days throwing empty beer cans at a sign that says "Welcome to Hinkley, Home of the Nastiest Fastball Cutter You Ever Did See." In fact, the more I think about it, that's the dream: empty beer cans banging against a green highway sign in the middle of the night, cicadas chirping.

But the women felt differently. They agreed that the mustache aged number twelve, but all they saw was this:


But even the fact that the mustache may have been inspired by a washed up wrestler is no surprise to a true Aaron Rodgers fan; after all, his title belt celebration is straight from the tv screens of a night spent watching the WWE, and part of me wishes Rodgers would take his passion for pro wrestling one step further, so that when he's asked stupid questions on the sideline, he would growl out spandex-cloaked trash talk that told everyone in the stadium that his testosterone level is second to none, except for maybe Clay Matthews'.

Phil Simms believed the mustache was a nod to other classic NFL quarterbacks, conjuring up memories of Joe Namath, and wasn't Joe Namath dreamy once upon a time (before he started kissing sideline reporters)?


Aaron Rodgers' whole career has been about replacing legends, and he's done that successfully; but now he needs to become legendary--and to do that he may need a mustache--even if it risks coming off like this:


Or maybe it's a nod to a much older culture than our Western roots and manifest destiny. Maybe it's a salute to the zen-like calm that Rodgers brings to every huddle and every play:


If anything, the mustache makes Aaron Rodgers simultaneously more American and more worldly, like how we wish our politicians could somehow be. And, with that said, I, for one, believe the mustache should be cherished. Women's opinions be damned. After all, Aaron Rodgers abides, and that's enough for me.


Bryan Harvey can be followed on Twitter @LawnChairBoys.

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