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Green Bay's Randall Cobb: 'We know the power that we have.'

October 21, 2014

These were the words of the Green Bay wide receiver after the team defeated the Carolina Panthers this past Sunday, but such words speak to a greater truth inside the Packers locker room than Aaron Rodgers' having thrown 192 straight passes without an interception. Clearly when Cobb references the power that we have  he is not speaking of a mere playbook or any particular individual's talent. No, he is speaking of something at which both fans and opponents should marvel.

Unbeknownst to NFL insiders and neophytes alike, Ted Thompson has been searching globe and galaxy not for talent but for trinkets. Behold the reasons for Green Bay's power:

Mike McCarthy is now in possession of not only all the Marvel DVDs but the actual Infinity Gauntlet.

And yet, because McCarthy is an emotional void, he only implements the Infinity Gems on obvious passing downs and against inferior opponents.

Still, this is enough for Randall Cobb to know that the offense runs on more than precision and pass blocking. Rather it runs on Space, Time, Reality, Mind, and Soul.


While arming the franchise's head coach with virtual omnipotence might be enough to satisfy most general managers' thirst for victory, such is not the case for Ted Thompson, which is why the team's film sessions now run on a flux capacitor system. But manipulating time is not nearly enough power for an NFL team. Therefore, Thompson has turned his attention not only to comic books but to epic fantasies.

"Sure, I wear it everywhere," said Eddie Lacey. "It's the Ring of Power. I don't trust anyone else with it, especially hobbits."

Where did Thompson find the Dark Lord's Ring?

"Because our scout team is so good, I really have a lot of time on my hands. Plus, we now control time. In that way, I'm like Gandalf or Dumbledore. I go here. I go there," said Green Bay's general manager.

And, speaking of the non-Muggle world, rumor has it that part of what brought Julius Peppers to Wisconsin from division rival, Chicago, was the promise that he could be made to live forever through the power of Horcruxes.

"It wouldn't shock me," said Aaron Rodgers, "There's a reason Brett was able to play so long."

A look at Ted Thompson's recent travel itinerary, however, suggests a new focus in his search for fetishes.

When asked about his recent travels, he responded, "I may have retraced the journeys of my favorite archaeologist. So what?"

The so what is that the contents in this crate may be headed for Lambeau Field:


" Is that gold or cheese?" added Cobb, smiling, when I showed him what I'd discovered.

Note: The only authentic quotation here is the one in the title belonging to Randall Cobb.

Bryan Harvey can be followed on Twitter @LawnChairBoys.

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