Raiders resign Lechler and Asomugha

Before the season was over a lot of the Raider nation was under the assumption that both Nmamdi Asomugha and Shane Lechler would be calling somewhere else home in the fall. But thanks to a new direction that has the Raiders paying money to players that can actually play, the Raiders have brought both pro-bowlers back to Oakland. Nmamdi Asomugha signed a huge contract, but since the Raiders don't divulge contract information its hard to put an actual number on it. The contract is between $28.5 million and $29 million over two years with the third year being the Raiders option. Making Nmamdi the highest paid corner in the league. The other monster deal handed out was to the most consistent player on the roster, Shane Lechler. The deal is guessed to be for four years and worth $12 million, and is said to be the best ever given to a punter in the history of the National Football League. Not long after signing his new deal, Lechler was spotted in downtown Oakland celebrating his newly found wealth (photo above).

The two signings insure the Raiders will have atleast two good players on the opening day roster; it also shows that the new mindset brought to the Raider front office by Tom Cable and Gary Busey is to spend money to keep the best players in Oakland. It is yet to be seen what will happen to the players that have underachieved. But expect a lot to change in Oakland this offseason. Tom Cable is excited to have his top two talents back while Busey could be overheard saying "Do you know what CONTRACT means? It means Confounding Opposition and Neutralizing Tarantula Radioactive Alabaster Contagious Typhoid." Indeed Gary, indeed.

Breaking News: Raiders introduce their newest hires.

After another grueling season, the Raider Nation is still left clamoring for change. Owner and current G.M. Al Davis, has been apart of the once proud organization for decades. Fully knowing his health is not getting any better, Al Davis has finally decided to replace Bruce Allen with someone other than himself. With the coaching and GM search continuing for almost a month the Raiders are finally ready to announce their hires. At head coach, will be Tom Cable. Cable took the interim job after Lane Kiffin was fired for insubordination and a lack of improvement on the field. Cable led the team to a 4-8 record, helping them to a 5-11 overall record for the year. Although his record isn't anything to celebrate, the way the Raiders ended the season gives enough reason for Raider nation to be optimistic for 2009. A two-game winning streak that turned out to be the final nail in the coffin for former Raider head coach John Gruden's tenure in Tampa Bay. Add onto that a huge win over the division rival Broncos, which helped keep them out of the playoffs and may have helped end former Raider head coach and Al Davis adversary Mike Shannahan's long reign as HC in Denver. While Tom Cable's hiring is no surprise, the pick for G.M. came out of nowhere. Not because Al finally wants to give up the keys to his run-down sports car, but for who he is trusting to take the keys.

The Raiders have shocked the world by hiring an outsider to come in as their general manager. The man hired to succeed Al Davis by Al Davis is none other than world renowned actor Gary Busey. The star of Succubus: Hell Bent attended Pittsburgh State University and then Oklahoma State University, he is not only an accomplished actor but a musician and artist as well. Other than his artistic abilities Busey is well-known for his help as a mentor on Celebrity Rehab. Being a former addict himself, he uses his down-time to help others get control of their lives. He doesn't use traditional or oft-used methods, but he does get results.

During the press conference Al Davis stated "We are really excited about the additions of Tom and Gary to the Silver and Black, Tom did a great job for us and we are confident in his abilities to continue the teams late season success. While Gary will really help get us back to where we belong." Gary added to that statement saying "Do you know what failing stands for? Finding An Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth. Do you know what fear stands for? It stands for 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' It's the darkroom where Satan develops his negatives. Do you know what success stands for? Its stands for Succeeding Under Critical Circumstances, Excelling in Sharting Straight. I want to end the era of the cloudy murkiness of negative hypocrisy rain clouds and bring in sunshine and beautiful Hershey covered mountain top elephant kisses."

Here are some other highlights from the press conference:

Jerry McDonald: "How will your work as an actor help you in the daily running of a professional football organization?"

Gary Busey: "It truly is an honor to join Al in his efforts, great things like this only happen for the first time once."

Tim Kawakami: "The draft is quickly approaching, what positions would you like to focus on?"

Gary Busey: "I believe in myself, as I have no doubt. Because the negative energy of doubt is something that will keep the happy moon rain away from my time on this water covered cave glasses. As a wise man once said, doubt stands for debate on understanding bewildersome thoughts"

Tim Kawakami: "Who was the wise man that said that"

Gary Busey: "ME, were you not listening? I just said it ten seconds ago. (Busey than threw a bag of oranges, dog toys, and gum at Kawakami while he juggled his two pet baby squirrels.)

Jerry McDonald: "Whats your outlook on the future of this organization?"

Gary Busey: "Outlooks are for those without a look from the inside of the scope of organizing their minds thoughts to a freedom of negativity. In other words 16-0!"

Busey and Cable also announced the changing of the teams most well-known mantra Commitment to Excellence to Commitment to be free from negative thinking of the minds eye and looking deeper into a world without wins or losses and finding positive growth of the inner core of shampoo bottle socks or CTBFFNTOTMEALDIAWWWOLAFPGOTICOSBS. Fans seem to be really taking a liking to the newest mantra, with t-shirts being printed and about 10 blogs already dedicated to the new phrase. My favorite, Commitment to Positive Growth Shampoo Bottle Socks.

Happy Festivus from the Raiders!!?!?!

I made this picture in honor of Al Davis. I think it shows how he has been the center of the NFL this week and for much of the NFL's existence.

Now for those of you who haven't been paying attention, I will list what you have missed so far in this season of Festivus:

• Feats of Strength: John Herrera challenges Tim Kawakami to a fight. Tim, much like George backs down. John is declared the winner.
• The airing of grievances: Lane Kiffin and Rob Ryan kicked it off after the Bronco game, but two days ago Al Davis fought back. He came out with all of his grievances and had proof to back him up. Davis is clearly the winner.
• Festivus Miracles: Al Davis admitted he had made some mistakes. Whats the first step towards recovery? Admitting you have a problem, his is hiring the wrong men to run his team. Lane Kiffin turned out to be the much like Jerrys date. He looked good at points, but under the right light he was as ugly as ever. He turned out to be a two-faced manipulator and the person handing the reporters all of their inside information.
• The pole: Costanzas pole was an actual metal pole, the Raiders is Sebastian Janikowski. Kiffin trotted Janikowski out for a 76 yard field goal. Seriously he deserved to get fired for that alone. Let me clarify,it was not as good as a punt. Yes it worked out to be like a punt. But considering they have the most consistent punter in the NFL in Shane Lechler and the Chargers have one of the most dangerous kick returners, it was one of the most perplexing things I have ever seen. That includes the season of Shell. Kiffin loses yet again, and shows why he deserved to get canned this holiday season.
  

The biggest plus-side to this holiday season is a capable assistant will now be leading the Raiders. Tom Cable grew up a fan of the silver and black. He understands Al's place in history and how much he has meant to the game of football. He understands being a Raider is something special. He understands that Al Davis is the Raiders. All traits that Lane Kiffin never possessed. He has the ability to bring back "pride and poise" to the Raiders. He has his goal and the strength to see it through. I doubt the offensive scheme will change much, but the play-calling will. He also has an idea about what it takes to win, and is committed to seeing this team return to the past greatness. This is good for the team, and provided that he doesn't let the O-Line slip any because of his promotion, this should be good. Time will tell if Al Davis has picked the right man to run the ship.

Lane Kiffin Fired

The Oakland Raiders issued the following press release Tuesday:

Lane Kiffin has been released as head coach of The Oakland Raiders for cause. The Raiders will address the media a 2 p.m. pacific this afternoon at the team’s permanent facility in Alameda.

According to Adam Schefter of NFLN, offensive line coach Tom Cable will take over the reins. Cable, 43, is responsible for reenergizing the running game by institutiing the zone blocking scheme. He previously served as offensive line coach in Atlanta, head coach at Idaho from 2000 through 2003, and offensive coordinator at UCLA from 2004 to 2005. I will have more after the press conference.

Al Davis press conference confirmed

According to Profootballtalk, Al Davis will meet with the media at 5:00 p.m. EDT on Tuesday, most are expecting him to announce the firing of Lane Kiffin.

But Adam Schefter of NFL Network threw out another possibility: Maybe Davis will use the press conference to criticize the media for “rumor mongering.”

Schefter reports that some Raiders employees believe that Davis won’t fire Kiffin today, or any time soon, and that instead, Davis will use his public forum to reprimand the media. Schefter adds that a smaller number of Raiders employees think Kiffin will be fired and Paul Hackett will be named head coach.

With the possibilites of a strong lecture from Al Davis on rumor mongering. I figured we would find the perfect song to go along with his lecture for tonight, maybe he could play it as he walks out of the room.

It was either that or Stereophonics' "thousand trees". Keep tuned for the outcome of the Al Davis press conference.

Circus in Oakland; still open for business

ESPN’s John Clayton is reporting owner Al Davis has begun the process of naming a successor to coach Lane Kiffin and will speak to line coach Tom Cable, offensive coordinator Greg Knapp and advance scout Paul Hackett Monday night. Davis has already had interviews in past years regarding the position with James Lofton and Rob Ryan. There is no confirmation that Kiffin has been fired.

I don't really know what to think of all this, as Kiffin was said to be fired weeks ago. So lets go over a couple of scenarios:

• Davis wants to give the head coaching gig to the best coach, so he doesn't have to do this again in the off-season.
• He just wanted to meet with the coaching staff, to get more insight on the team.
• He was lonely and wanted to have dinner with someone, so he invited three people in case one or more turned him down.
• Maybe it was just time for their job evaluations: Al Davis- "Could you go through your typical day here at Alameda?" Tom Cable- Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Kiffin can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

I will keep you updated as information comes down the pipe. But one question for you before I go. Who do you think would win in a fight, Al Davis or John Clayton? I'm taking Al.

Kiffin to be fired?

Nancy Gay of the San Fransisco Chronicle is reporting that Lane Kiffin is to be fired sometime this week. Despite leading the Raiders to a 23-8 victory over a division rival, on the road no less and at a stadium your not supposed to win in. Kiffin's fate is said to be sealed for his defiant tirade last Wednesday. When Kiffin told the media that the 41-14 Monday night meltdown against the Broncos happened in large part because defensive coordinator Rob Ryan and the team's owner conspire to exclude him from defensive decisions. The Raiders are 1-1 in a 17 week season and Al is ready to fire the head coach.

For Lane's take on his possible firing, check the video:



For the Raiders sake, I hope Nancy is wrong.

Contra Costa Time: Kiffin's way or the highway for Raiders?
San Fransisco Chronicle: Kiffin on his way out, despite victory