Who is Stan Yuengling?

If you read our Redskins preview, then you may have noticed we have a new writer here at the LCB, and if you read his article, then you may have picked up on the fact that he is and always has been a Skins fan, with a sick lust for anything Santana Moss does. He is also a Terps fan, born in Maryland and bred in Fredericksburg, currently living in Arlington, but who is Stan Yuengling really? He is more than his geographical ties; I can promise you that, but would you believe me?

Would you believe that he is the unknown variable, the mystery of Einstein's dreams, dressed in the awww shuckness of the Hardy Boys? Would you believe that he once stole mathematical equations from a dwarf, only to get caught and reeled in like a big mouth bass by a trailer park queen? Would you?

Would you believe that he sailed into Cozumel, as if he were Cortez, and conquered the Mayans and Aztecs while wearing a snorkel and one flip flop? Would you?

Would you recognize Stan Yuengling as the living, breathing muse of any role Steve Correl has ever portrayed on film? Would you?

Would you believe that this man never threw up until his junior year of college and that when the magical event did happen, it happened at a bus stop?

Would you believe that he is Batman, predisposed with the ability to disappear into the shadows with the blink of an eye or the turning of a head? Would you?

Would you believe he talks with spirits, staying up into the night conversing with Len Bias and Sean Taylor?


Would you believe that he sleeps with his arms crossed over his chest and would be considered Dracula for the late hours he keeps, except he lives off of Yoo-hoo instead of blood, making him Count Chocula? Would you believe that? Could you believe that?

If you can believe that, then surely you can believe in a man who recognizes the words of Nelly as a testament that God exists and is in constant communication with us?

Is it getting hot in here? I think it is because the LCB is welcoming Stan Yuengling with open arms, so if you believe, then take off all your clothes, especially if you're a lady.