Garbage Time: King James and the Jousting Sprouts

In this week's edition of Garbage Time, Teach talks about the NBA playoff race and bean sprouts while Langston talks about Lebron and beards.




Teach:
Remember in elementary school when we all planted bean sprouts in styrofoam cups, packed tight with dirt, and waited for our seeds to sprout.  We watered them with care, and watched them break through the soil and cling to the window, bathed in light.  Then, one by one, plants shriveled up and died.  Some drowned in a cup of homemade mud.  Others found their share of sunlight stolen, while others collapsed under the weight of their own aspirations, snapped stems, etc.  We learned a lot watching those white non-biodegradable vessels, brimming with life, and, at this point in the season, we're once again watching a row of cups by the window.


If the Playoffs began today, we pretty much know the who the Eastern Conference reps would be: Cleveland, Orlando, Boston, Atlanta, Toronto, Chicago, Milwaukee, Miami, or Charlotte.  The next closest team is Washington, wheezing like a skinny high schooler about to get lapped in the two mile.  If the NBA had heats, surprisingly, the Wizards would be at the front of the slow one.

The West is a little more interesting.  The only major shuffling most likely to happen in the East is with the 6 through 8 seeds, but, out West, everything is up for grabs, except the number one spot, which will go to LA.  The rest of the conference, however, are a bunch of beanstalks jostling for prime glass real estate and sunlight.  Dallas, Utah, Oklahoma City, and Portland are all battling for the two and three spots, but Dallas most likely will grab one of those higher seeds, seeing as they are the only team of those five not in the Northwest Division, which makes that Division race more like one of the old MLB Division races, before the Wild Card existed.  The teams that do not win the Northwest will fall from a two or three seed to at best a four or five, which means the runner-up would most likely play LA in the second round.  Is there any doubt the Lakers are pulling for any Northwest team to win that division other than Denver?  OK City is a Playoff virgin.  Portland's been to first base, and Utah is a nominal threat.  That fall from #2 or #3 to #4 or #5 also must make a team believe that runner-up in the Northwest is like getting grounded for telling the truth.  Throw into the mix Phoenix and San Antonio, and this Western Conference Playoff race should be as educational as a second grade bean-planting project.

Langston:  I was going to write about LeBron's number change and how it has nothing to do with Michael Jordan's greatness. We all know it's LeBron's own unique way as a Freemason to honor Satan. Just kidding, it's money. It's always about the cash money. And, yes, you did read that right, I was going to write about it, but Adrian Wojnarowski already covered it better than I could have.

In other LeBron news, Roland Lazenby makes a case for him going to Los Angeles. He does it badly, but he did it nonetheless.

This year marks the 20th anniversary of Hank Gathers' abrupt death and Loyola Marymount's honorable tournament run. Over at Fanhouse, Clay Travis has a nice tribute on the whole saga that you should read. But I warn you, it may make your eyes leak.

After reading the Gathers tribute, if you find yourself needing to be cheered up, go get yourself a Boom beard from Baron Davis. It'll be the best decision of your day, no wait, your life.

To close out this week's edition of "GT", we leave you with the Robodoh video. But before you say anything, yes it is awesome and you're welcome.

Photo sources: 1, 2