Having seen the weather reports and the images of his father-in-law digging bravely north of Boston, our hero knew he had work to do. So he began to dig. And dig he did.
This night was destined to be as long as any other night. And having been warned by so many wise news anchors that snowflakes are the enemy he swore an oath of manifest destiny: his driveway would be clear. And so he kept on digging. And digging he kept on.
His back nearly broke, he whistled while he worked. And while he worked, he dug. And digging he worked. And so he conquered the great blizzard of 2015. And the blizzard was conquered. The next day in his mail he was fortunate enough to find a coupon for Bed, Bath, and Beyond. He looked at it and laughed, because he knew, from the ache in his broken back, that he had already been to all those places the night he conquered the great blizzard of 2015.
Meanwhile, at other latitudes, the war rages on and on an on.
Bryan Harvey can be followed on Twitter @LawnChairBoys.