Mike Langston and Bryan Harvey discuss the AFC West:
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| "So Peyton's looking a little slow, maybe a little fat, right guys?" |
Bryan
Harvey: There’s really one name to start with here. He’s
football’s favorite son and perhaps the most uncontroversial figure in a League
that continues to become ever more steeped in controversy.
Mike
Langston: Having rooted for Peyton since he took the reins as a
freshman at UT, the last quarter of the 2014 season was brutal to watch. I felt
like I was watching the series finale of a Western, where the hero who was
victorious time and time again only had one way to end the story: death at the
hands of some no-name vandal. It’s fitting his nickname is now The Sheriff.
Bryan
Harvey: So, if he’s old and in a Western, we’re pretty much left
wondering if this is going to be High
Noon, Ride the High Country, or
Tommy Lee Jones rambling at a breakfast table.
Mike
Langston: Oh, he’s going to end up with a knife to the back from some
small-time crook who is just trying to make a name for himself by taking out
the biggest hero in the west.
Bryan
Harvey: The question, does Brock Osweiler have what it takes,
just became much more sinister. All jokes aside, what would happen if Manning
couldn’t finish the season, though?
Mike
Langston: Let’s deal with what we know.
Bryan
Harvey: Okay, sure, but is Peyton Manning even Peyton Manning
anymore? He’s 39 right now. Brett Favre is 45. Aaron Rodgers is 31. He’s closer
in age to the retired, and the gap between him and the guys in their primes is
what geologists refer to as unconformity. In other words, it can’t even be measured
because at this point it’s nonexistent.
Mike
Langston: He doesn’t need to be the Petyon of old. The Broncos can
win with him just being old. The AFC West is so weak Denver can still win with
the old Sheriff on one leg and his arm in a sling.
Bryan
Harvey: Remember Brett Favre’s year with the Jets. His arm was in a
sling. Remember his last year with the Vikings. He was laid out flat and didn’t
get up. That moment is on the horizon. So, does Brock Osweiler have what it
takes?
Kansas
City Chiefs
BH: Thoughts?
ML: They
have the best pass rusher in football not named J.J., a world class safety who
has beaten cancer in Eric Berry, a running back who has averaged 5.5 yards per
carry over his career and one of the best corners in football in Sean Smith.
BH: I
have a hard time reading this team. Part of me wants to say they’ve
underachieved, but that’s not entirely true. As recently as 2012, they finished
2-14. Considering the proximity of that fiasco, part of me wants to say they’ve
overachieved, but that’s not true either. The team has a stockpile of talent.
Then again, Philly fans would probably say this state of ambiguity is a staple
of any franchise with Andy Reid at the helm.
ML: This
team will probably struggle to win more than 8 games.
BH: You
think so?
ML: Alex
Smith is still their QB. He won't lose games on his own, but he isn't good
enough to overcome Andy Reid blowing time-outs, challenges and forgetting he
has a running back who averages 5.5 yards per carry.
BH: I
want to believe in Alex Smith the way I watch Hook and root for Rufio not to die. I
want Rufio to saddle up and stab Captain Hook through the effing heart.
ML: Give
it up, Bryan. Rufio’s dead.
BH: But
Alex Smith lives. And, at age 31, he’s ready for his breakout year. Ru-fi-oh?
Oakland
Raiders:
ML: As a Raider fan, I find myself starting to believe every
year.
BH: As
someone who’s not a Raider fan, I freak out whenever I see them on TV. Wait,
they still exist? No way. This must be some alternative timeline in the Goodell
universe.
ML: Seriously,
though, every year I believe this is the year they turn the corner and become
good again. Or even just a mediocre franchise again.
BH: Your
team should just hire Andy Reid. He’s a master of mediocrity.
ML: Not
only has the team built a real practice/performance facility, they have a QB, a
true #1 WR, an actual offensive line and Khalil Mack- destroyer of
quarterbacks. However, their secondary is a disaster, they are relying on
Michael Crabtree to be a leader, Charles Woodson will probably still be their
best player (38 YEARS OLD!) and they still have to play on a baseball field.
BH: The
fact that Peyton and Woodson are finishing their careers in the same division
seems almost too contrived, but it’s also perfect. Pretty much every flaw
written into the Manning mythology, Woodson had a hand in writing. You really
think the Raiders will be good?
ML: The
idea of 8 wins might seem possible as a homer, but that kind of optimism is
difficult to fathom after a decade-plus of futility.
BH: Yeah,
I really thought the team no longer existed.
ML: In
some ways it doesn’t. After a decade of mismanagement, the Raiders are still at
least a year away from being mentioned as a potential sleeper. Maybe, the mindset coach should be used on
us fans.
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| "Sheriff? Who wants to be a sheriff? My teammates call me US Marshal 'cause I'm justified." |
ML: Have
they opened any Chic Fil A's near you recently?
BH: Don’t
think so. Then again, I haven’t gone to a Chic Fil A since the Raiders ceased
to exist.
ML: I
need to order a cease and desist until they’re at least .500. Anyway, in
Norfolk last summer, the line was wrapped around the building. It was amazing
that this fast food was so sought after that people were willing to wait for 30
minutes just to order it, when you can drive another 5 minutes and get it down
the street.
BH: The
Chipotle in Woodbridge is like that, and it’s been open for a decade.
ML: Same
thing when the Cook Out opened here. But that I understand—Cook Out is the
truth.
BH: Are
we even going to talk about the Chargers?
ML: Yeah, they’re the
Taco Bell of the NFL.
BH: Last
time I had Taco Bell, I woke up in the night screaming. Turned out it was
heartburn, but I thought I was dying.
ML: That’s
my point. Since the 90s, has anyone cared that a new Taco Bell opened?
Mike Langston tweets @LangstonLCB.
Bryan Harvey tweets @LawnChairBoys.
For a conversation about the AFC East, click here.
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