2009 AFC West Division Preview

In the past, we broke down every team in detail before the start of the season, but this year we decided to view each division as a dysfunctional American family and base our predictions off their family trees.

Family Portrait:

Place of Residence:

What bits of the family farm that didn't dry up and blow away in the last tornado are now the property of the bank, but that doesn't mean the family didn't leave the homestead without a fight. Al Davis holed up in the barn for five whole days with a shotgun, taking aim at the men from the bank and the local sheriffs. When the sheriff finally got up in the hay loft, Old Al was pulling out his own teeth and loading them, dripping with blood, into the chamber of his gun. The sheer agony of the scene caused the sheriff to pry the gun away from Al and carry him down the ladder like a newborn. Tom Cable thanked the sheriff for his services by landing a haymaker square on his jaw. Cable's now spending a few weeks in the county jail before he tries to meet up with the family on Route 66.

Vacation Spot:

Cousins Phillip Rivers and LaDainian Tomlinson own a place on the southern coast of California, ripe with sunshine, peaches, and grapes. They've got so much land next to the Pacific that they don't know what to do with it. The rest of the family drives down Route 66, powering their old pick up truck with dreams as much as gasoline, believing that tomorrow will be as bright as yesterday once was.

Favorite Pastime:

This family used to attend church regularly, but in such dire times as the present, leaps of faith are hard to come by. Sitting on the back porch, with a full stomach, surrounded by the family's music, long into the night is time now spent with hunger pangs and hunting birds and roadkill as sources of food. Babies suckle at mother's breast, but there's no milk.

Teach's Prediction:

San Diego's won this division four out of the last five years, and I don't see any reason why that won't happen again this year. LT may not be what he once was, but I feel that his complete and utter demise has been greatly exaggerated. The team still has Rivers, Antonio Gates, and Darren Sproles. Plus, Shawne Merriman returns to a defense that was still solid in his absence.

The rest of the division is in flux; they're neither here nor there. Oakland needs to find out if JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden are the future cornerstones of the franchise. Kansas City has a workhorse in Larry Johnson that is on the verge of being sent out to pasture and a largely untested quarterback in Matt Cassel, while the Denver Broncos' offseason has created one of the greatest "how might this play out in an alternate universe" scenarios the League has ever seen.

The Chargers' time on top of the division appeared to be setting, and the Broncos' time appeared to be rising. They had the arm in Jay Cutler, the hands in Brandon Marshall, and the legs in Knowshon Moreno to resurrect their former Super Bowl glory in the body of an offensive monster. Instead, they resemble roadkill, or Kyle Orton's neck beard, splattered along Route 66.

Langston's Prediction:
After years of struggling, the Kansas Chiefs fired Herm Edwards and GM Carl Peterson, replacing them with Todd Haley from Arizona and Scott Pioli from New England. The first move these two did was trade for Matt Cassel. Who had a great year, last season, filling in for the injured Tom Brady, but this training camp he's played bad enough for the team to consider Brodie Croyle as their starter. On offense, the Chiefs also have the talented Dwayne Bowe at WR, a decent line, Larry Johnson, and the emerging Brad Cottam. This team is young and improving.

The Broncos ended last season on a disappointing note, blowing a big division lead to miss the playoffs with a record of 8-8, which triggered the firing of Mike Shannahan and the hiring of Josh McDaniels. The situation with Cutler may indeed be calculated, but at this time, I think they need to redo the math.

As for my Oakland Raiders, they will be better in the passing game (it'd be almost impossible to be as bad as last year), McFadden and Bush should punish opposing run defenses, the offensive line will play better (while also breaking records for false starts), the pass defense will be good, and the run defense looks like a bunch of matadors. Until Al Davis dies and they get away from the man-to-man defense, they will continue to disappoint me and the Nation on a weekly basis. But they have on outside chance of being better this year. (More on this in a couple days.)

The Chargers have a lot of "bests" in this division: the best QB, the best receiving core, the best back, the best offensive line, and the best defense. However, this team won only 8 games last season, and they didn't do much aside from drafting Larry English and getting healthy to improve the team. I expect them to win the division, but Norv Turner coached teams with more talent than this one have found ways to blow it before; so don't be surprised if they find a way to lose the division.