2009 NFC West Division Preview

In the past, we broke down every team in detail before the start of the season, but this year we decided to view each division as a dysfunctional American family and base our predictions off their family trees.

Family Portrait:

Place of Residence:

Bill Walsh always knew he wanted to be an artist. In fact, it was never an issue of wanting or becoming; he was always an artist. His parents found him one day in his nursery drawing x's and o's along the walls. Most parents would have been furious at the scarlet and gold splotches he scattered along the walls, but his mother was brought to tears by the x's that, in her eyes, looked more like birds ascending to heaven, even little Bill's father was hypnotized by the grace of Bill's o's, that made him think of the comfort one can only find inside their mother's womb.

As Bill got older, his graceful sketches became majestic paintings. Each one more elaborate than the one preceding it. Soon, his work encompassed entire coast lines and directions on a compass, and other artists came to study under him, before sneaking off in the night and taking the techniques they'd learned under Bill's tutelage to far off destinations, like Green Bay, Philadelphia, and Seattle.

Vacation Spot:

The mind of Mike Martz defies all logic. His brush strokes melt time and straight lines into Salvador Dali paintings, causing grown men to weep. His imagination lays waste to reality, removing Walsh's anchored exactitudes and reincarnating Kurt Warner as the tenth avatar of Vishnu, a guide and uplifter of misbegotten souls. He disappears, only to reappear in the shadows, light, and space of Joe Montana the Creator, Steve Young the Destroyer, and Jerry Rice the Preserver. This family finds restoration in the recesses of the mind, guided there by the flowing rivers of Marshall Faulk and Shaun Alexander's fragile bull-like power.

And they call this art.

Favorite Pastime:

The creativity of this family doth runneth over. Ken Whisenhunt creates comic books. Mike Nolan designed men's formal wear. Mike Singletary is a great orator. Matt Hasselbeck is a master military tactician. But the genius that originality requires often causes the human spirit to tread into the darker emotions of human existence. Critics have frowned on the paintings of Alex Smith, plummeting him into the depths of depression. Matt Leinhart writhed under the legacy of his forefathers and opted for a life as a playboy, slipping into the dangerous realms of substance abuse and too many women. Anquan Boldin was driven mad with jealousy by the attention given to his brother Larry, and Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson have mutilated their physical beings while seeking the perfection of their predecessors. The search for the horizon, where the earth meets the celestial, has driven the Bill Walsh School of the Arts into a bankrupt oblivion where genius stutters like some ragged, schizo prophet, carrying a 40 oz.

Teach's Prediction:

San Francisco won seven games last year, but looking at their schedule, I really don't see how they're going to do better than six wins this year. It's quite possible they go into their bye week 1-4. Frank Gore is a solid back, but can he play a whole season at full speed? Who is the quarterback? How old is Isaac Bruce? The one positive I do see for this team is that they played harder for Coach Singletary than they did for Coach Nolan. The last five games of the season they only gave up 14.2 ppg, compared to 28 ppg the in the first 11 games of the season.

In St. Louis, Torry Holt is gone, marking the Greatest Show on Turf as officially closed. If Laurent Robinson and Donnie Avery can form a competent receiving duo and Steven Jackson stays healthy, then maybe this team can put a scare into Seattle and Arizona. Of course, the defense will have to do much better than last year also, when it gave up over 30 points in 9 different games.

I expect Seattle and Arizona to battle all the way to the finish for the division crown. If Matt Hasselbeck stays healthy, then I think the addition of TJ Houshmandzadeh will allow him to carry the Seahawks back to the top of the division. The Cardinals have a lot of weapons, but I do think they will need to run the ball better this year and there may be chemistry issues. I also want to see if Kurt Warner can duplicate last season's success.

Langston's Prediction:

If you have been keeping up with our divisional previews, you will have noticed that myself and Teach don't differ to much on our predictions. This division isn't that different. We agree that both the Rams and Niners are works in progess and that the Seahawks and Cardinals will be vying for the title. However, I'm not buying that the 'Hawks will return to division glory.

The Seahawks have the best defense in the division, and it's only going to get better with linebacker Aaron Curry joining the ranks. The offense will be better with Houshmandzadeh catching balls from their Pro Bowl quarterback, but they still have one of the most lackluster running back situations in football with T.J. Duckett, Julius Jones, and Edgerrin James. Both Duckett and Jones have proven to be wildly unreliable, while James has steadily declined since he left Indy. The inconsistent running game will hamper them from winning the division.

With the releases of Roderick Hood, Edgerrin James, and Travis LaBoy, the Cardinals released expendable pieces. By way of free agency and the draft, they replaced them with definite upgrades. Bryant McFadden comes in to take the corner spot opposite Dominique Rogers-Cromartie, helping to form a solid secondary unit with Adrian Wilson and Antrel Rolle. James will be replaced by Beanie Wells. Though he comes with injury concerns, he has the ability to be something neither James nor Hightower was last season, a game changer. LaBoy is replaced by Clark Haggans, who will bring consistency, veteran leadership and a championship pedigree. Last season they were already the best team in the division and with these acquisitions they seem to have only gotten better, making them my team to beat in '09.