SEC Week 14

Rivalry week is here. Well, it actually started on Thursday with LSU beating Texas A&M and continued yesterday with Arkansas losing to the new power from the East, Mizzou. But anyways, let's start with the SEC-ACC Challenge and make our way to the two games everyone is waiting for.

South Carolina v Clemson

The Gamecocks try to extend their streak to six over the Tigers in (the other) Death Valley against the top rated defense in the country. Deshaun Watson is back for the best ACC team outside of Florida, making this a much tougher game for SC. Take the home team by 10.

Georgia Tech v Georgia

The combined 18-4 record for the schools is the best in this series since 1966. This clean, old fashioned hate game has changed quite a bit since Dooley and Dodd were patrolling the sidelines, but the hate remains. GT's option offense has been unstoppable, but UGA has been playing its best ball of the season. And though they won't have their bell cow, Todd Gurley, handling the rock, Nick Chubb is about as good of a back as you can ask for. I like the Dawgs by 7. And you should too; last season a 20 point lead wasn't enough for GT to win this game.

Kentucky v Louisville

Since basketball season has started, UK's defense has given up 56 points per game. Calipari's team has only given up more than 56 points once this season in their 6 wins. The Cats faithful have moved on to basketball season, and, apparently, so too has their defense. Louisville wins easily.

Florida v Florida State

Everyone is rooting for Muschamp and his Gators to win this, right? But what's more likely: the Seminoles go through the motions for the first 3 1/2 quarters to wake up and win on their final drive. FSU by 3.

Tennessee v Vanderbilt

All week long Derek Mason, the Commodore head coach, has refused to say Tennessee. Instead, he continually refers to them as the "Team out East". This isn't Michigan-Ohio State, Derek. And you don't have a chance in this one. Tennessee will remind Vandy and all their fans of their place in the state. They don't call it the Volunteer state for nothing. Vols by a lot.

Mississippi State v Ole Miss

Just a few weeks ago this seemed like it would decide the SEC Championship. Now that the Bulldogs need an Auburn win to get in and the Rebels are reeling (losing three straight in the SEC), the Egg Bowl has lost a little luster. Still, this is the most important one in a long time and is a must watch game. I like State to win, but I think the Rebs remind us why they were ranked third at one point. State by 3.

Auburn v Alabama
This game has the chance to be either dismal or amazing. If the Iron Bowl is as good as last year's, the edge goes to Auburn. In their two wins over the last four games in the series, they've won by 1 and 6 points respectively. If the game is a blowout, it means Bama wins handily. In their two wins over the last four games in the series, they've won by 49 and 28 respectively. I'll give the edge to the Crimson Tide. While they aren't as dominant as Tide teams of recent memory, their defense is still the best in the country. They are stout enough to allow their offense time to find a groove. Something I'm not sure the Tigers will be able to do. They will need to be at the top of their game to win this and maybe have a miracle or two to extend their Iron Bowl streak to two. Alabama by 13.

The Straw Men

Tired of discussing what's wrong with North Carolina with anyone and everyone who wants to talk basketball with me, I'm going to talk about what's wrong with UConn, Louisville, UCLA, Oklahoma, and Arizona. ESPN flashed up these teams on the screen during today's UNC-NC State game, and I believe they speak to the up and down cycles forced onto college programs by early departures and graduation.

Last season, UConn, Louisville, UCLA, Oklahoma, and UNC all entered the NCAA Tournament as number one or two seeds hoping to cut down the nets in Detroit. This year all five might miss the Tournament. Throw in Arizona, who has the longest current streak of consecutive NCAA's, and this year's field looks drastically different than the traditional March guest list.

Rick Pitino Pays for Chicken Fingers, not just Abortion

Louisville coach Rick Pitino told police that he should have known not to have sex with a woman at a restaurant that served him a sub-par chicken fingers basket.

Police support the idea that if Pitino had heeded such omens, then he would not have given Cunagin Sypher the opportunity to falsely accuse Pitino of rape and to try and extort millions of dollars from the basketball coach.

A local customer, who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters, "No one orders the chicken fingers at that place; they're always too dry and are filled with those chunks that make you wonder if you're eating bone, cartilage, or some old lunch lady's lost tooth."

An LCB study of the chicken fingers did show them to be 27% dryer than what's considered the optimal level of moisture for a chicken finger. Tests also proved that the chicken fingers caused constipation, which might explain why Pitino was in the bathroom so long before having sex with Sypher.

Of course, the dryness of the chicken fingers was not the only warning that Pitino's actions on August 1, 2003 might not have been in his best interest. The bartender who served the coach his drinks tried to warn him about Sypher's tasteless personality, stating, "She's not a b!tch, but she definitely runs with the wolves. I mean, I tried to signal Coach Pitino by winking at him and motioning towards the lady with my head, but he didn't catch on. I just wanted him to see that she was double-dipping in his honey mustard."

When asked about the warnings from the bartender, Pitino responded, "If I cared whether or not the woman was double-dipping in my honey mustard, then I probably wouldn't have put my sperm in her. If the bartender had my best interest at heart, he would have cut me off before I took some crazy lady to a bathroom stall; I would have appreciated that and some better gourmet chicken fingers. They were worse than the sex."

Coach Pitino added that he looks forward to concentrating on the upcoming Louisville basketball season and teaching boys how to become men.

Cunagin Sypher has been indicted for extortion and is now divorced, but does maintain that double-dipping is not a crime, especially with chicken fingers that are "cock hard."

Armani hopes to capitalize on the fact that Pitino was wearing one of their suits the night he met Sypher: "The ad campaign will work as long as we have Coach Pitino ordering something more classy than chicken fingers. We may just have him stick to a very masculine drink, like a Jack and Coke. Hopefully, he'll sign off on the idea; the ad campaign could earn him some extra money and really put a positive spin on this story. It might even help with recruiting."

College Bball Preseason Elite 8

Without further ado, here's my top 8 of the preseason. I try not to let biases, both negative and postive seep through when talking about UNC and Duke.

8. Memphis (38-2)
Last Year: Lost in the Championship Game
Coach: John Calipari
Stud: Tyreke Evans
Glue:Robert Dozier
Schedule: Georgetown,Syracuse,Tennessee, Xavier or Virginia Tech

Hey John Callipari, do you still think free throw shooting isn't important? Last year Callipari said in an interview that he can think of 25 things more important in a player than free throw shooting ability. Well guess what bit his team in the ass more than anything. This year, they're reloading with a good chunk of the national runner-up returning. They lost Derrick Rose, Chris Douglas-Roberts, and Joey Dorsey to the NBA. They brought in highly touted swing man Tyreke Evans as the next Rose style one and done. Evans is a wing who can get his own shot and score, yet he averaged 8 assists a game as a high school senior. Not bad for someone who is 6'8. The top returnees include wing Antonio Anderson, 4 man Robert Dozier, guards Doneal Mack and Willie Kemp, and big Shawn Taggart. I expect Taggart to make a bigger impact this year. He is a 2nd year transfer who is long and athletic. Wesley Witherspoon is another of many tremendous athletes who will come in right away and get heavy minutes. The CUSA schedule should be relatively easy, but the Tigers will get tested with games against Georgetown, Syracuse, Tennessee, and Xavier. We'll see if Callipari changes his philosophy on free throws, and also how Memphis can attempt to replace what they lost. Chances are they won't slip much, and if Evans is really special, look for them to maybe make a final 4 run.


7. Duke (28-6)
Last Year: lost in the 2nd round
Stud: Gerald Henderson
Glue: Jon Scheyer
Coach: Mike Krzyzewski
Schedule: Purdue, Xavier, Davidson, ACC

I will try and not let my Duke hatred infiltrate this paragraph. (Deep breath, ok I'm good). The Blue Devils haven't had much March success with this group. They do, as always have a lot of talent and will always battle and play hard. It starts with Gerald Henderson. Henderson is a disgusting athlete who can jump out of the gym. He does a lot of thinks well. If he can hit anything consistent from outside, then watch out. Jon Scheyer is probably the MVP of this team. He was thought of as just a scorer coming out of Illinois in high school, but he is a pretty good ballhandler and passer who also plays good D. The rest of the key players include Kyle Singler, Nolan Smith, Greg Paulus, Lance Thomas, and Brian Zoubek. Thomas and Zoubek need to give Duke a post presence, while Paulus and Smith need to not turn the ball over and make open j's. Singler could be great, even though he's one of the goofiest looking people in college basketball. Duke could give Carolina a run, though I doubt it. They get tested with Purdue, Xavier, and Davidson, but should clean up in a pretty weak ACC. This should be an elite 8 team at a minimum.

6. UCONN (24-9)
Last Year: lost in the 1st round
Coach: Jim Calhoun
Stud: Hasheem Thabeet
Glue: Jeff Adrien
Schedule: Gonzaga, (Davidson, or Miami in the Paradise Jam)Big East

Eveyone is sweating UCONN hardcore this preseason. I'm still not completely sold after an early exit last March. Hasheem Thabeet has apparently found his offensive game over the summer, as he has started the season off being unstoppable. He is complemented by veterans like Jeff Adrien inside, and A.J.Price, Craig Austrie, and Jerome Dyson on the perimeter. Adrien does all the dirty work, while the others spread the floor with their shooting. Price needs to be fully healed from an ACL tear, but frosh Kemba Walker looks as though he can step in and spell him if needed. I don't see too many holes with this team. They look like they could be a legitimate Final 4 contender if they stay healthy. I feel like with the Big East being as difficult as it is, they could take their lumps and lose their confidence a little bit. Their non-conference matchups include Davidson, Gonzaga, and maybe Miami (Fla). Calhoun has been there before even if his players haven't, so look for anything in the Sweet 16 to Final 4 range.

5. Michigan St. (27-9)
Last Year: lost in the sweet 16
Coach: Tom Izzo
Stud: Raymar Morgan
Glue: Goran Suton
Schedule: UNC, Texas,(Gonzaga, or Georgetown) Big 10

Apparently losing Drew Neitzel will help this team. I'm not necessarily sold on this notion, but it's what I've been hearing. Apparently it's going to open things up for Kalin Lucas, but I don't know. I do know they have a good nucleus back, and that the Big 10 outside of Purdue and Wisconsin isn't that strong. The leading returnee is Junior Raymar Morgan. He is the 2nd returing leading scorer in the Big 10, and has pro potential. Lucas will run and run and run, as he may be the quickest point guard Izzo has had (Mateen Cleaves takes umbrage). Others in the mix include Suton, who does everything except consistently score, Chris Allen, Durell Summers, and Frosh Delvon Roe, who can spell Morgan. Senior Travis Walton can't shoot, but he can take over the point for Lucas if needed. Chances are, this team will rebound and defend at a high level with Izzo on the bench. They'll get tested with matchups against the Tar Heels in the Big 10-ACC challenge, and Texas. A Big 10 championship and at least an elite 8 appearance seems to be on the Horizon for Sparty.

4. Texas (31-7)
Last Year: Lost in the Elite 8
Coach: Rick Barnes
Stud: Daimon James
Glue: A.J.Abrams
Schedule: UCLA, Michigan St., Wisconsin,Villanova, (UNC or Notre Dame in Maui), Big 12

Imagine what could have been. If the Longhorns still had Kevin Durant and D.J. Augustin, they would have to have been the prohibitive favorite to win it all. They don't, but they're still going to be pretty good regardless. Daimon James is going to blow up this year. He's stong as a bull and has the athleticism to match. A.J. Abrams is in the Boobie Gibson mold, expect I think he's a better and more consistent shooter. And with Justin Mason, Connor Atchley, Gary Johnson, and Dexter Pittman, they have a bunch of players who have been around the program and bring everything a championship ballclub needs. Hopefully Barnes will get out of the way and let them play. He's not necessarily the best X's and O's guy in the game. The schedule is murderous, but they should be able to hang with anybody. I hope Durrant is having fun losing 150 games in Oklahoma City.

3. UCLA ( 35-4)
Last Year: Lost in the Final 4
Coach:Ben Howland
Stud: Darren Collison
Glue: Josh Shipp
Schedule: Texas, Notre Dame,Southern Illinois, Pac-10

I'm going to keep the Bruins here even though they've already lost a game. They are mixing in an older nucleus with some youngsters, so it may take some time to jell. They've been extremely successful in making the Final 4 the last three seasons. Howland is a tremendous defensive coach, who has brought a heavy defensive mindset out to the coast. Darren Collison may be the best point in the country not named Ty Lawson. His mother was a Jamaican sprinter, and Collison is lightning with the ball in his hands. With Josh Shipp on the wing, and Alfred Aboya inside, they have the senior leadership that have been through the wars before. In Freshman Jrue Holliday and Drew Gordon, they can more than compensate for the premature losses of Russell Westbrook, Kevin Love, and Luc Mbah'a'Moute. Texas and Notre Dame will be the challenges of the non-conference slate, with the Pac-10 being there's for the taking unless something crazy happens. They have a really good chance to make it four years in a row on the final weekend.

2.Louisville ( 27-9)
Last Year: lost in the Elite 8
Coach: Rick Pitino
Stud: Earl Clark
Glue: Terrence Williams
Schedule: UNLV,Kentucky, Big East

Can Sanardo Samuels matchup with Luke Harangody, and Hasheen Thabeet in his rookie season? If the answer to that question can be answered with an affirmitve, then Louisville will be great. Samuels adds a low post presence that could jell with everything else and make the Cardinals almost impossible to beat. They're simply loaded everywhere else. Earl Clark and Terrence Williams are game changers who, if they show more consistency, can combine with Samuels to be the best frontcourt in the nation. Add to that the experience of guards like Edgar Sosa, Jerry Smith, Preston Knowles, and Andre McGee, and the Cardinals will clearly be able to play with anybody. If Samuels takes his lumps inside, then Louisville might struggle like they did last year in stretches. The non-conference portion of the slate is easy, especially with Kentucky looking like doo-doo against Carolina. The Big East will be the test, and if Samuels plays and dominates, Louisville can win the National Championship.

1. UNC ( 36-3)
Last Year: Lost in the Final 4
Coach: Roy Williams
Stud: Tyler Hansborough
Glue: Wayne Ellington
Schedule: Michigan St, Kentucky, (Notre Dame or Texas in Maui) ACC

When Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington, and Danny Green all decided to come back to school, all of Chapel Hill circled their calendars for the first Monday in April. They can and should cut the nets down. Every contributor from last year is back, along with the return of Bobby Frasor and the addition of Richmond's own Ed Davis and point guard Larry Drew, who should be more than capable as a backup for Lawson. They did lose Tyler Zeller for the year, but Deon Thompson looks like he's going to have a break out season. Hansborough needs to make sure he's healthy and continue to do what he does inside, opening everything up for Lawson's driving ability and Ellington and Green's outside shooting. Simply put, if Carolina doesn't win it all it will be a disappointment. Same as the Cubs this year (gulp).