Fries and Ketchup: Kiffin, Jordan, and a reason to shake

The weekly column where we mention anything we missed in the last week (or longer). It's a lot like those moments when you're out of ketchup, at a fine fast food restaurant, but lack the energy to go and get more; so you scrape away at the dregs on your hamburger wrapper, until all you can see is silver aluminum foil. It's classy, yet unrefined.


Reasons to cheer:
This weekend Florida and UT face off in The Swamp, in what is promised to be a nationally televised slaughter of the big orange. Even with the slim chances of UT staying within three touchdowns, I am looking at this game from a positive perspective. There are multiple reasons why Vol fans shouldn't be so gloom and doom for this matchup.

• If the Gators cover the spread, which is now at 30, they are mearly meeting expectations. If the Vols keep it close and lose, Kiffin has won the battle of perceptions and the Gators fail to keep their word.
  
• Even without Kiffin saying anything about the Gators, this would have been hard to watch. Remember the last time they played in the swamp? When the Gators won 58-20, with 21 points coming in the fourth quarter, thanks to Meyer using multiple timeouts to lengthen the Vols misery. And last year, where the Vols were demolished at home 30-6. So how much did Kiffin talking trash really hurt the Vols?
• Crompton is still the starter, and that's enough reason to fret about this game. Crompton is obviously not going to win them games. But at least Kiffin found that out last week, and will understand better what he is dealing with. Maybe Kiffin decides to use the wildcat. Maybe Kiffin decides to run on third and long, in an effort to make the game a field position battle. Maybe Kiffin decides to go with Orson's Swindle's advice, and start a giant catfish. All of these possibilites seem pretty awesome when compared to the idea of Crompton throwing five yard swing passes 98 miles per hour for the rest of the season.
  
• In 2001, the Volunteers went into The Swamp as 21 point dogs. They ended up out rushing the Gators 242-36, with Travis Stephens having the game of his life. They also won that game 34-32. (I want to note that the 2001 team had multiple NFL players including Jason Witten, Albert Haynesworth and Big John Henderson.) I can't imagine what would happen if they pulled off the upset, but I do know that Tebow would rip his human mask from his head to show the world his true state. As Vol fans know, he's actually a robot sent from Mercury to take over the World.
• Lastly, after Saturday, the Volunteers will never have to face Tim Tebow ever again. For me, that is reason enough to celebrate.
  

So Vol fans, while your watching the game, remember as long as the Vols keep it close, they are actually winning. And even if they lose by 70, that evil robot from Mercury will never face the Vols again.

Teach on the Jordan Speech:

If you saw Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame speech, then you've probably also noticed some of the backlash to it, as well as JA Adande's categorical defense of it. One should also make note of Bethlehem Shoals' thoughts on the matter, which come the closest to expressing how I feel about the matter. Jordan's speech was a look inside his head; it showed us his fear, his drive, and his ego. Perhaps, these traits are inseparable, but I find it hard to deride a man for revealing himself down to his core just because we wanted him to be something other than who he is. Michael Jordan was a damn good basketball player--the best I've ever seen--and we'd all be better served if we accepted the fact that he is not the Messiah, an activist, a politician, or a philosopher but a human being, as flawed as any other, who just so happened to be better at one thing than most of us could ever dream of being at anything.


The above highlight features two men, perceived as polar opposites, on and off the court, that went into the Hall of Fame together, showing us, like a Robert Frost poem, that while it may be true "two roads diverged in a yellow wood," those two roads both led to the same destination.


Buy This Album:

White Denim Fits
We already told you why White Denim's "I Start to Run" would be perfect for college football. But the whole album accompanies a tailgate nicely, it's music like this that can make even the most dreadful game seem appealing. It's just like whiskey but without the hangover. I leave you today with their video for "Shake, Shake, Shake" off their EP, Workout Holiday,