Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame talk was the Exxon Valdez of speeches. It was, by turns, rude, vindictive and flammable. And that was just when he was trying to be funny. It was tactless, egotistical and unbecoming. When it was done, nobody wanted to be like Mike.
You see what he did there? He referenced an oil spill of the early 90's, saying that his speech was on the same level of atrociousness. Or is it because he thinks Jordan's speech was caused by alcohol and in-turn killed baby seals?
And yet we couldn't stop watching. Because this was an inside look into the mindset of an icon who'd never let anybody inside before. From what I saw, I'd never want to go back. Here is a man who's won just about everything there is to win -- six NBA titles, five MVPs and two Olympics golds. And yet he sounded like a guy who's been screwed out of every trophy ever minted. He's the world's first sore winner.
This was his chance to ask all of the people who have ever doubted him "How you like me, now?" And I am not going to fault him for it, his whole career was built on proving people wrong. This is the same guy who was relegated to JV as a sophomore and made it his mission to prove that coach wrong for the rest of his life. Without his ability to use that disapproval as motivation, we wouldn't have witnessed the greatness he displayed on the court.
In the entire 23-minute cringe-athon, there were only six thank yous, seven if you count his sarcastic rip at the very Hall that was inducting him. "Thank you, Hall of Fame, for raising ticket prices, I guess," he sneered. By comparison, David Robinson's classy and heartfelt seven-minute speech had 17. Joe Montana's even shorter speech in Canton had 23. Who wrote your speech Mike? Kanye West?
Is there a minimum number of thank yous needed for a speech? Is this Chotchkys? Did he need more flair? And Kanye doesn't write acceptance speeches, he interrupts them. So if you're going to use Kanye as a reference, use it correctly. Go with something like this: It was really a surprise when Stockton's speech was interrupted by Kanye West, where he jumped up onstage and proclaimed "Yo, John, I'm really happy you were inducted and Imma let you finish here soon, but I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling, gotta make you understand that Jordan and Pippen were the best of all-time." Turns out, he only did it at the request of Michael. See that makes sense, but you obviously didn't think this through.
Not that Jordan's speech wasn't from the heart. It was. It's just that Jordan's heart on this night could give you frostbite. Nobody was spared, including his high school coach, his high school teammate, his college coach, two of his pro coaches, his college roommate, his pro owner, his pro general manager, the man who was presenting him that evening, even his kids!
"I wouldn't want to be you guys if I had to," he said as they squirmed in their seats.
What's wrong with him saying that? His kids have to follow in his footsteps. Can you imagine trying to live up to his larger than life shadow? It would be a tough task for anyone, and you should give Michael credit, for understanding how hard it must be and for acknowledging that their life is not an easy one.
He even mocked his own brothers, calling them maybe 5-foot-5 and 5-6. Actually, they're about 5-8 and 5-9. Michael was the one blessed with the height gene, not the tact one.
I didn't know you got tact from your gene pool. I figured it was something ingrained in you by influential people in your life, like, I don't know, your coaches. Also, what brothers don't joke on one another?
Jordan had decided that this was the perfect night to list all the ways everybody sitting in front of him had pissed him off over the past 30 years: Dean Smith, Doug Collins, Jerry Reinsdorf, Pat Riley, Isiah Thomas, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, George Gervin and Jeff Van Gundy. It was the only one-man roast in Hall of Fame history. Only very little of it was funny.
I guess you missed Bob Cousy's induction where he said "George Mikan is to basketball what Bette Davis is to basketball." And that was after he motioned to Red Auerbach and said "I've seen younger faces on cash."
He was like that Japanese World War II soldier they found hiding in a cave in Guam 27 years after the Japanese surrendered. The only difference is, Jordan won! What good is victory if you never realize the battle is over?
The Japanese solider was just doing what he thought was his duty, couldn't we assume the same about Jordan?
This is how Jordan really is, I just never thought he'd let the world see it. His old Bulls' assistant coach, Johnny Bach, told me early on, "This guy is a killer. He's a cold-blooded assassin. It's not enough for him to beat you. He wants you dead."
Rick, I am guessing you didn't spend much time as an athlete. You see, coaches use military terms to describe players all-the-time. This is why, Kellen Winslow Jr. proclaimed he was a soldier, and Kevin Garnett says he's bringing his AK to the arena. It's also why I was confused when everyone attacked him for talking about being "said" solider. Coaches always compare games to war, and they never get any criticism for their words. This double standard doesn't make much sense. If playing a game is made akin to fighting a war, then Jordan played his part.
I covered his entire career and saw examples of it throughout. Saw him break Rodney McCray in after-practice, $100 shooting games, humiliate him until McCray lost his stroke. Watched him race his car up the shoulder of Chicago interstates just because he didn't have the patience to wait in traffic. Heard how he'd kept his friends confined to his hotel room at the Barcelona Olympics so he could play cards -- and keep playing until he won. For Jordan, it was never enough to win. He had to have scalps.
If it was so well-known that he didn't let others go until he won, shouldn't they be blamed for gambling with him in the first place? No one was forced to play cards with Jordan. People believe in free will, and, on the flip side, if one doesn't believe in free will, then Jordan was the best example of manifest destiny since the United States expanded westward.
I didn't know you got tact from your gene pool. I figured it was something ingrained in you by influential people in your life, like, I don't know, your coaches. Also, what brothers don't joke on one another?
Jordan had decided that this was the perfect night to list all the ways everybody sitting in front of him had pissed him off over the past 30 years: Dean Smith, Doug Collins, Jerry Reinsdorf, Pat Riley, Isiah Thomas, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, George Gervin and Jeff Van Gundy. It was the only one-man roast in Hall of Fame history. Only very little of it was funny.
I guess you missed Bob Cousy's induction where he said "George Mikan is to basketball what Bette Davis is to basketball." And that was after he motioned to Red Auerbach and said "I've seen younger faces on cash."
He was like that Japanese World War II soldier they found hiding in a cave in Guam 27 years after the Japanese surrendered. The only difference is, Jordan won! What good is victory if you never realize the battle is over?
The Japanese solider was just doing what he thought was his duty, couldn't we assume the same about Jordan?
This is how Jordan really is, I just never thought he'd let the world see it. His old Bulls' assistant coach, Johnny Bach, told me early on, "This guy is a killer. He's a cold-blooded assassin. It's not enough for him to beat you. He wants you dead."
Rick, I am guessing you didn't spend much time as an athlete. You see, coaches use military terms to describe players all-the-time. This is why, Kellen Winslow Jr. proclaimed he was a soldier, and Kevin Garnett says he's bringing his AK to the arena. It's also why I was confused when everyone attacked him for talking about being "said" solider. Coaches always compare games to war, and they never get any criticism for their words. This double standard doesn't make much sense. If playing a game is made akin to fighting a war, then Jordan played his part.
I covered his entire career and saw examples of it throughout. Saw him break Rodney McCray in after-practice, $100 shooting games, humiliate him until McCray lost his stroke. Watched him race his car up the shoulder of Chicago interstates just because he didn't have the patience to wait in traffic. Heard how he'd kept his friends confined to his hotel room at the Barcelona Olympics so he could play cards -- and keep playing until he won. For Jordan, it was never enough to win. He had to have scalps.
If it was so well-known that he didn't let others go until he won, shouldn't they be blamed for gambling with him in the first place? No one was forced to play cards with Jordan. People believe in free will, and, on the flip side, if one doesn't believe in free will, then Jordan was the best example of manifest destiny since the United States expanded westward.
Now here he was, in Springfield without a filter or a PR guy to cut him off, while his staff must've been covering their eyes. And suddenly, it hit you: Michael Jordan is the guy who gets up at the rehearsal dinner, grabs the mike and ruins the night.
How did he ruin the night? Had this not happened, you wouldn't be talking about it a week later. If anything, he made it more memorable. Sure, there would have been highlight clips played and articles of his greatness published. But it wouldn't have been a story without him opening up and telling everyone what he thought. And if anything, his staff should be pissed he didn't save this for a book and done the talk show circuit. At least Jordan was man enough to say all he had to say to everyone's faces, as opposed to the hundreds of athletes who air their grievances from bookshelves.
The thing Jordan doesn't understand is, it doesn't have to be this way. Terry Bradshaw won four Super Bowls and gave one of the greatest speeches in the history of the Hall of Fame. "Folks!" he hollered. "You don't get elected into the Hall of Fame by yourself! Thank you number 88, Lynn Swann! Thank you, Franco Harris! Thank you Rocky Bleier! What I wouldn't give right now to put my hands under [center] Mike Webster's butt just one more time! Thank you Mike!" He thanked linemen, tight ends, everybody but the ushers.
He also thanked steroids, oh wait, that was Steve Courson.
Had Jordan been in his shoes, he'd have said, "Hey, Steve Kerr! Remember when I kicked your ass in that fight?"
Actually, Jordan was in his shoes, and he didn't say that.
Jordan owes a roomful of apologies. But it'll never happen. I know firsthand.
Oh, really? Go on.
Before his second comeback -- with the Washington Wizards --
That is so thoughtful of you. I had totally forgotten that he played for the Wizards.
I was the first out with the story by a month.
Let me guess they denied it.
Jordan and his agent, David Falk, denied it, said I was crazy, practically said I was smoking something. Then, after a month of lies, Jordan admitted it was all true. I saw him in the locker room before his first game back and said, "You wanna say something to me, maybe?"
So you told him to give you an apology for denying something that wasn't cemented yet and had nothing to do with you. Who owes who, an apology?
And he said, "You know you don't get no apologies in this business."
So I wouldn't hold your breath.
Bitter, much? This happened in 2001. Get. Over. It. Athletes deny things like this all the time. Here is an example, and another, and another. Or are you upset Jordan didn't call you out in his speech too, Rick?
They called it an "acceptance" speech, but the last thing Jordan seems to be able to do is accept it's over. In fact, Jordan hinted that he might make yet another comeback at 50.
That would be awesome if he came back, let's just hope he doesn't make a speech.
I just hope Comeback No. 3 doesn't come with a speech.
I just said that.
Because then I'm really screwed.
In closing, Rick Reilly thinks it was wrong of Jordan to share his unique viewpoint on his own career and that tact is something you are either born with or without. We also had to wait almost the entire column to understand the real reason Reilly is criticizing Michael, a grudge that he has been holding for almost a decade because Jordan denied giving him a scoop. When Reilly gets inducted to the Sports Writers Hall of Fame, he plans on flying Jordan out firsthand to thank him for the extra incentive to succeed.
How did he ruin the night? Had this not happened, you wouldn't be talking about it a week later. If anything, he made it more memorable. Sure, there would have been highlight clips played and articles of his greatness published. But it wouldn't have been a story without him opening up and telling everyone what he thought. And if anything, his staff should be pissed he didn't save this for a book and done the talk show circuit. At least Jordan was man enough to say all he had to say to everyone's faces, as opposed to the hundreds of athletes who air their grievances from bookshelves.
The thing Jordan doesn't understand is, it doesn't have to be this way. Terry Bradshaw won four Super Bowls and gave one of the greatest speeches in the history of the Hall of Fame. "Folks!" he hollered. "You don't get elected into the Hall of Fame by yourself! Thank you number 88, Lynn Swann! Thank you, Franco Harris! Thank you Rocky Bleier! What I wouldn't give right now to put my hands under [center] Mike Webster's butt just one more time! Thank you Mike!" He thanked linemen, tight ends, everybody but the ushers.
He also thanked steroids, oh wait, that was Steve Courson.
Had Jordan been in his shoes, he'd have said, "Hey, Steve Kerr! Remember when I kicked your ass in that fight?"
Actually, Jordan was in his shoes, and he didn't say that.
Jordan owes a roomful of apologies. But it'll never happen. I know firsthand.
Oh, really? Go on.
Before his second comeback -- with the Washington Wizards --
That is so thoughtful of you. I had totally forgotten that he played for the Wizards.
I was the first out with the story by a month.
Let me guess they denied it.
Jordan and his agent, David Falk, denied it, said I was crazy, practically said I was smoking something. Then, after a month of lies, Jordan admitted it was all true. I saw him in the locker room before his first game back and said, "You wanna say something to me, maybe?"
So you told him to give you an apology for denying something that wasn't cemented yet and had nothing to do with you. Who owes who, an apology?
And he said, "You know you don't get no apologies in this business."
So I wouldn't hold your breath.
Bitter, much? This happened in 2001. Get. Over. It. Athletes deny things like this all the time. Here is an example, and another, and another. Or are you upset Jordan didn't call you out in his speech too, Rick?
They called it an "acceptance" speech, but the last thing Jordan seems to be able to do is accept it's over. In fact, Jordan hinted that he might make yet another comeback at 50.
That would be awesome if he came back, let's just hope he doesn't make a speech.
I just hope Comeback No. 3 doesn't come with a speech.
I just said that.
Because then I'm really screwed.
In closing, Rick Reilly thinks it was wrong of Jordan to share his unique viewpoint on his own career and that tact is something you are either born with or without. We also had to wait almost the entire column to understand the real reason Reilly is criticizing Michael, a grudge that he has been holding for almost a decade because Jordan denied giving him a scoop. When Reilly gets inducted to the Sports Writers Hall of Fame, he plans on flying Jordan out firsthand to thank him for the extra incentive to succeed.
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