When Belief Becomes Bankable: The Rays Uprising

Carlos Pulido

Josh Spilker is a Tampa Bay Rays fan, and he's written here before about that and other things. He also has a novella out now (digital), which you should definitely check out (hard copy...scroll to bottom), but he's here today to talk about baseball, money, and miracles. Enjoy:

At this dinner meeting with people from church, with a small smoky fire, bratwursts and italian sausage, pumpkin bread, it was fall, near the end of September and the whispers of October hum on the horizon. Things turn inside and then wrap up, and the St. Louis Cardinal fan/homeowner turns on the television. St. Louis taking care of business, Braves stumbling, Boston in a rain delay and the Rays left for dead. A Red Sox fan looks at the TV-- “Call the game,” he says and “Yankees killing the Rays.” There may/

may not have been a high-five and I fell back into a recliner. The recliner sunk and sighed; relieving itself.

Tuesday Morning Relievers: The Circling of The Diamond

Our new weekly column, where we do our best to recap the teams we love and the stories that captivated us the most in this week of baseball.

MLB 2010 Preview: Integration Era

For our 2010 MLB preview, we're lumping teams into the eras we feel they most resemble. This will cause our rankings to look more like Power Rankings than Divisional rankings, but, like most things at LCB, I wouldn't take any of it too literally. Enjoy, comment, critique, lambast.

As Jackie sprinted from third to home, one could hear the ice cracking on the corn stalks from the friction of his feet on the chalk line that was now blazing like DeLorean tire tracks.  Stealing time, he stole history, and the slow motion of the pitcher's windup looked stiff as a Kansas fence post.  When Jackie went into his slide, the umpire dropped his jaw in bewilderment and tasted the upturned dust and dirt like a cyclone.  We weren't in Kansas anymore.  We weren't even in the same time continuum.  The game we'd known, from its records and statistics to its faces and characters, was now on fire like a stack of Third Reich books.  Baseball sprinted out of World War Two, not even bothering to look over its shoulder, and the taut muscle and sinew of the modern industrial complex sprawled through the rosters like suburban housing treks.  Welcome to a world of Technicolor.  The teams below are the authors of history, who play by their own rules, and not only shape the future but alter our memories of the past, so that we not only see the game differently but forget how absurdly quaint it once was:

Boston Red Sox
Key Additions: John Lackey (SP), Adrian Beltre (3B)
Key Losses: Jason Bay (LF)
Storyline to follow: The Sox have the pitching to beat anyone.  The quandary is will they have the offense.  It's also worth mentioning that the only doubt about whether they have enough offense is because they're in the same division as the Yankees and didn't quite replace Jason Bay's production.


Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (California)
Key Additions: Hideki Matsui (DH/LF), Joel Pineiro (P)
Key Losses: John Lackey (SP), Chone Figgins (3B), Vladimir Guerrero (DH/OF)
Storyline to follow: The Angels are going for their sixth AL West title in seven years.  As the Angels continue to win while losing more and more of their 2002 World Series nucleus, their consistency despite a changing cast of characters deserves the same amount of attention usually heaped on east coast ball clubs.


New York Yankees
Key Additions: Curtis Granderson (CF), Javier Vazquez (SP), Nick Johnson (1B)
Key Losses: Johnny Damon (LF), Melky Cabrera (OF), Hideki Matsui (DH/LF)
Storyline to follow: What other story is there other than the Yankees chasing another World Series title?  It's the sitcom formula that every MLB season relies on carrying the night.


Philadelphia Phillies
Key Additions: Roy Halladay (SP), Placido Polanco (3B)
Key Losses: Cliff Lee (SP), Chan Ho Park (P), Pedro Martinez (SP), Pedro Feliz (3B)
Storyline to follow: At a glance, the Phils appear destined for another World Series; the Halladay move gave them that kind of offseason buzz, but they lost Cliff Lee in the process.  Also, history is not on their side; World War Two was still being waged the last time an NL team won three pennants in a row.  The Phils doing so will highly depend on which Jimmy Rollins shows up this year.


St. Louis Cardinals
Key Additions: Brad Penny (SP), Felipe Lopez (2B)
Key Losses: Joel Pineiro (P)
Storyline to follow: The Brad Penny resurrection is intriguing.  Mark McGwire as the hitting coach begs for analysis. Will Tony LaRussa join Bobby Cox this year in farewell tour calls for our attention, but all of these storylines pale in importance to watching Albert Pujols be Albert Pujols.

Suggested Batter Intros pt.1

The weather is starting to warm up, the birds are starting to chirp, and spring is almost here. With the emergence of spring comes a wanton need to gorge myself on as much baseball as possible. I can't wait until I make my first trip to Nats Park to take in a game, eat some Ben's, and have a nice cold brew. There are many things that I love in life, but watching an MLB game in person is near the top. It doesn't matter who is playing, what is important is the atmosphere that only a baseball game can bring. Everyone is just happy to be out of the office or classroom.

One of my favorite things about an MLB game (apart from taking score) is batter introduction music. Some of the players throw you off with their musical taste while others are easier to predict (i.e. Austin Kearns will always have a song displaying his Kentucky roots and Nomar will always come out to Lowrider). However I think some of these guys don't use enough originality when picking their intro song for the season. They may just go with whatever is popular at the beginning of the season and by August the song is played out and just annoying. I believe they need to pick a song that shows their personality and that catches peoples attention in a matter of seconds. So to help them pick the right music, I thought the Lawn Chair Boys could do their part by giving some song suggestions to these boys of summer.

1. Manny Ramirez: Gimme some money- by Spinal Tap (formerly The Thamesmen) Lets not play coy, he isn't at Camelback Ranch for one reason; money. From his play last year he deserves the money, yet from the way he acted in Boston he doesn't. But who am I kidding? I just want Colletti to fold and do his best Teddy KGB impression and pay that man his money. With him the Dodgers are contenders. McCourt and Colletti both know they need him, offensively and financially. Without him, the Dodgers are just another young NL team struggling to score runs and in turn win games. If he wants a song with flavor he can go with Got Money by Lil' Wayne and T-Pain.
2. Alex Rodriguez: Liar- by The Rollins Band Some are giving him a lot of credit for telling the truth and owning up to his steroid abuse. But he let us believe for years that he was clean, and when he did fess up his story had as many holes as a block of Swiss cheese. Not to mention, if it wasn't for Selena Roberts we would have never known a thing. The man is a liar and a cheat, so why not have a song that comes out with it from the jump? If he was man enough to come out to this song, I think a lot of people would be able to forgive him. If he could manage to be honest, it would be a lot harder to hate on the man. The song is pretty nar-nar and even though the fans in the stands will be booing harder than ever, at least he can get a moment of peace from Henry Rollins.
3. Ken Griffey Jr.: This must be the Place- by the Talking Heads Although it was great to see him play in the city where he grew up, it was tough to see him fight through injury after injury. He was easily my favorite player growing up; he had speed, the great glove, the perfect swing, and the best post-HR walk of anyone in the league. You can definitely count me as one of the many that are glad to see him finish his career where it all started.
   

Alex Rodriguez thinks you're an idiot

Yesterday Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod aka A-Roid aka A-Fraud aka A-Hole) finally admitted to abusing performance enhancing drugs. He copped to taking it his entire time as a Texas Ranger, from 2001-2003. The time frame seems pretty convenient, since there wasn't a ban on the drugs in Major League Baseball at the time. Plus how is anyone going to know he didn't take them all throughout his time spent as a Mariner? There not, so he told you cheated because everyone else was doing it and the huge contract he received put extra pressure on him to succeed expectations. He also took the time to say sorry. How nice right? After the interview aired, multiple analysts and writers were boasting of A-Rod and how great a person he is because he came clean. But he didn't come clean. Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts uncovered the information, cementing the fact that he didn't come clean but instead was caught with his pants down. Does the MSM even know what coming clean actually means? It means admitting your misdeeds and saying your sorry, before you get caught. Alex Rodriguez isn't sorry he did steroids, he is sorry he got caught.

Do you really think he would have copped to his steroid abuse if this information never saw the light of day? Not a chance. He would have kept selling his story that he did it all the right way, the Rodriguez way. He probably would've written a book detailing his insane workouts and the trials and tribulations he went through to become a hall-of-fame caliber player. And we would all have the doubts in the back of our minds, but in the end we would have believed him. We would have put him on a pedestal for being the savior of the steroid era, and he would have gladly taken all the gifts that come with being a hero to sports fans everywhere. He would have taken in all the praise drained upon him without ever having the conscience to tell us the truth. And that is why Alex Rodriguez thinks you and I are idiots.

In related stories:

Bernie Madoff thinks you're an idiot
Elliot Spitzer thinks you're an idiot
Larry Craig thinks you're an idiot
Roger Clemens thinks you're an idiot
Shawne Merriman thinks you're an idiot
Michael Richards thinks you're an idiot

Why the Yankees Still won't win the AL East

Only about a month until pitchers and catchers report, so why don't we add a little baseball to the mix. The New York Yankees have made all the headlines this offseason by signing CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett and Mark Teixeira for over a quarter of a billion dollars. Other teams are livid about the money spent, and some owners are apparently mulling a salary cap. But here's the thing. The yankees still aren't the best team in the division. I don't even know if there the second best team in the division. The Rays and the Redsox are both solid teams that didnt lose anything. Here'e what the yankees added. In Sabathia, a workhorse who dominates in the regular season, and then apparently fades whenever in the postseason. In AJ Burnett, for 80 million dollars, a pitcher who is at best a number 3 starter with a history of injuries. And in Mark Texiara, a very good hitter, who doesnt really scare anyone, and who also has no history of post season success. Why does this scare anyone. Look at the Rays, who won the division last year. I would take their rotation of Shields, Kazmir, Garza, Price and Sonnastine over Sabathia,Burnett, Wang, Joba and Hughes. For God's sake, the RAYS HAVE A NUMBER ONE PICK AS THEIR FOURTH STARTER!!!!! I mean seriously. Then looking at the lineups, to me it seems that the Rays have just as good of players at almost every position, EXCEPT 5 years younger!!!
Baseball is in an age no where all teams want to get younger. Sluggers such as Junior Griffey and Frank Thomas have no where to sign because their old. It's a simple as that. So why should any team in the american league be afraid of the old yankees? Let them sign AJ Burnett, who should win most likely to be like Carl Pavano. Let them sign Texiara, who like A-Rod, is a fine hitter who will never win a title. In the end, the Yankees are still old and slow, spending too much money on guys who may or may not pan out.