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The Bernstein Bears Recap Green Bay vs. Chicago

September 29, 2010

I am not a fan of Bears.  Bears steal picnic baskets, kill hikers, and worst of all teach stupid lessons no body wants to learn, so in all honesty, I shouldn't be surprised that a bunch of prissy Bears decided to get all pedantic on Monday Night Football and lecture some Packers with a few preschool sermons on morality.  Stupid preaching Bears.


Stupid Bears want people to act nice all the time.  Say please.  Say thank you.  No elbows on the table.  May I be excused.  Quit holding that guy's jersey.  Let go of that facemask.  Wash your hands.  Yes sir.  No sir.  No defensive pass interference.  Tuck in your shirt.  Don't hit people on the helmet.  Wait your turn.  Don't move before the ball is hiked.  All these rules make me think Bears hat freedom, liberty, self expression, and actions that may be remotely dangerous and, therefore, fun.  Bears sneeze into yellow handkerchiefs.



Thought Julius Peppers died on some dirt road, in some Carolina.  Bears brought him back to life.  Put him on TV.  Had him make plays on big Monday night stage.  Peppers very much alive.  Peppers so alive he's scary.  Julius Peppers can fly and go through objects named Tauscher.  Hearing Julius Peppers' name in a dark room is like hearing something go bump.  Julius Peppers goes bump in the night.


Bears like to hit but not get hit.  Jay Cutler get knocked on ground and cry to ref.  Jay Cutler raise hands up in question marks.  Jay Cutler belongs in NBA, not NFL.  Worst thing about Bears teaching people not to fight.  Now that they win on Monday Night all the NFC North is something to fight over.  Stupid Bears cause mass violence in midwest.  Dairy cows slain.  Corn fields bloody.  People get fat eating the depression of defeat.


Pretty sure Lovie Smith and Mike Martz not understand each other.  Pretty sure they not speak same language.  Pretty sure Jay Cutler think he the real genius.  Pretty sure at some point Lovie and Mike give mixed signal and ball go right into Nick Collins' or Charles Woodson's hands.  Maybe next time big interception on national tv.  Maybe next time.


No one talk about it cause Aaron Rodgers so amazingly awesome, but Ryan Grant go to doctor and never come back.  Me never trust doctor again.  Even if he give me lollipop.  Ryan Grant should be cleared to play on one leg.  Just need to fall forward.  Ryan Grant natural born bear killer.  Brandon Jackson long to pet bears.  Aaron Rodgers study them.

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