The 2015 NBA Playoffs start today:

I woke up this morning singing like a little kid. My lyrics went something like: "It's the Playoffs. There's a payoff. It sounds like Superman. But it's Tim Duncan man. He's coming to dunk all over your town!" Then I quickly made fun of Blake Griffin for being a sissy. It made no sense. It was awful. My wife wished she was deaf. I don't care. I'm excited. This is my favorite sporting event. I love the games. I love the TNT ad slogans and Hollywood-NBA mash-up ad campaigns. I love the rampant Twitter feeds. I love the weaving and unraveling of narratives. I love it all. For in my mind, it's as otherworldly as two mythic beasts colliding in epic fashion on the big screen:



Washington @ Toronto (12:30 Saturday)

A Spanish Consolation Prize

Being a Bulls fan has been trying over the last five years. Not trying in the sense of what someone who likes Sacramento or some other shitty team that hasn't made the playoffs in years, but trying because I thought there would have been at least one championship by now. While Chicago has been a gritty, tough-minded team that has been easy to cheer for, ultimately they've failed to deliver what they were assembled to do. It seemed as though as little as a week ago the team was poised to add a proven veteran scorer that they sorely needed, someone who can create his own shot and generate offense without any help. But Carmelo Anthony decided to choose money over rings, which led to the team signing Pau Gasol away from Los Angeles. Much like in the summer of 2010 when the team signed Carlos Boozer after missing out on the free agent prizes of Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, this feels like settling for a secondary option. Gasol brings a good number of positives to the Windy City however, and the Bulls can still win the East with him on board.

Birds of Prey: Joe Johnson's 34 Points Against The Bulls

Last year, when I was asked to write for The Faster Times, I wrote my first column on Jamal Crawford and the Atlanta Hawks. I'm not sure why; despite living in Georgia for a decade that overlapped the '80s and '90s, I never really climbed aboard the Dominique Wilkins freight train, maybe because my dad always complained about how he never played defense and couldn't hold a candle to Michael Jordan.

The first basketball game I ever attended was at the old Omni. We sat in the nosebleed section, and I had to hold my father's hand as we ascended to our seats. It felt like we were so high up that the rafters blocked our view. I could barely make out the duel that went on between 'Nique and Danny Manning. I also didn't realize that I was watching two guys already on downward spirals turning into supernovas, soon to be traded. I had a brief affair with the late '90s Hawks. I was infatuated with Dikembe Mutombo and Mookie Blaylock. Steve Smith's game was quiet by comparison, but his game spoke volumes. I think Steve Smith was the prototype for Joe Johnson, just cheaper.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution  used to be filled with so many names and stories about guys named Augmon and Corbin and Henderson. In print, during the regular season, their names read like Biblical heroes, but in the Playoffs, they always became juggling midgets that great players like Michael Jordan would laugh at and mock. Can you believe Christian Laettner made an All-Star game? Dennis Rodman let him know that it was a mistake. The Hawks never put up much of a fight in the Playoffs, unless it's a vintage shootout between 'Nique and Bird, it's like they misinterpreted their own mascot, believing that a bird of prey is the critter that get eaten. The Hawks have been chewed up and spit out and chewed up so many times--it's hard to believe there's anything left.

Then, in a game against the number one seeded Chicago Bulls and their MVP Derrick Rose, Joe Johnson drops 34 points. Jamal Crawford tallies 22. Each man scoring from his side of the arc like two boys placing pebbles on their side of a scale. And their efforts appear so fluid and natural that one wonders what deep body of water they had to drag in order to find such smooth stones. Then one wonders why as a boy he never latched onto the roaring tide that was Dominique Wilkins. How was I never a Hawks fan? And the answer is: Because nobody ever found them good enough, not even their own state.

Tyler Hansbrough's Very Good Terrible No Good Day

Within the team aspect of the game, there are individual victories and losses. This fact is hard to ignore, and this fact was on display this afternoon as the Indiana Pacers came within a few plays here and a few plays there of sending the city of Chicago into a frenzy not seen since the days when Mrs. O'Leary's cow was kicking over lanterns. Today the cow would have been former North Carolina standout Tyler Hansbrough, as he drained a countless number of eighteen foot jumpers in the face of a helpless Carlos Boozer.

American Idol Judges the NBA's Eastern Conference Playoffs

Ryan Seacrest: We're down to sixteen contestants and breaking it all down for us tonight will be our three judges, offering up their best advice and critiques of the eight teams representing the League's Eastern Conference.

Breakfast with Berndon: NBA's First Month

My interest in the NBA tends to wane slightly once college ball tips off, but this year I've kept at least one eye on the proceedings. My Bulls are, at least in my eyes, a legitimate title contender. The Miami chemistry experiment appears to be blowing up in Pat Riley's face, and, quite simply, the league is stacked like it hasn't been in a long time. What follows is the return of my power rankings, the return of the “man of the match," and some random commentary thrown in free of charge at the bottom.

Power Rankings

1. Boston (13-4) KG's knees apparently work again.
2. Lakers (13-5) Losing four in a row doesn't change the fact that they're still the favorites.
3. San Antonio (15-2) Shocking they've gotten out as fast as they have.
4. Dallas (13-4) Tyson Chandler is protecting the rim, Dallas actually is playing D now.
5. Orlando (13-4) I still think the Bulls will be better, but Dwight Howard still scares me.
6. Utah (14-5) Without Okur, great start as they plug in Jefferson for Boozer.
7. New Orleans (12-5) Chris Paul shows he's back.
8. Oklahoma City (12-6) Westbrook, not Durant, for MVP?
9. Chicago (9-6) I'm licking my chops with a 9-6 record without Boozer.
10. Miami (10-8) Almost under .500. Wow.
11. Atlanta (11-7) Joe Johnson is out 4-6 weeks, give Jordan Crawford his minutes?
12. Denver (10-6) Take one more shot, or trade Carmelo and start from scratch?
13. Indiana (9-7) Roy Hibbert might be an All-Star.
14. Memphis (8-10) I think they'll take off and get 50 wins.
15. Phoenix (8-9) Hakim Warrick, you are no Amar'e Stoudemire.
16. Portland (8-9) They still have about 3 more season-ending injuries left in them.
17. New York (10-9) Wilson Chandler is a charter member of the All-Underrated team.
18. Golden St. (8-10) A year or two away, but entertaining as hell.
19. Houston (5-12) Still could be somewhere ranging between frisky and dangerous eventually.
20. Cleveland (7-10) I hope they murder Miami tonight. Not literally Cleveland, calm down.
21. Milwaukee (6-11) Wait, your telling me a team has quit on Scott Skiles?
22. Minnesota (4-13) Maybe Minnesota is the location of Darko finding his freedom.
23. Sacramento (4-12) I hope Cousins cries on the bench at some point.
24. New Jersey (6-12) I honestly thought they'd be a little better.
25. Charlotte (6-11) Last year apparently was a fluke.
26. Detroit (6-12) All I want for X-mas is Rip or Tayshaun in a Bulls uniform.
27. Clippers (3-15) Baron Davis is an asshole. Way to eat your way out of the league.
28. Washington (5-11) I really like JaVale McGee.
29. Philly (5-13) I'm kind of surprised Evan Turner has struggled.
30. Toronto (6-11) The Raptors do not have the worst record, but give it time, they will.

Man of the Match Leaderboard

1. Dwight Howard 13 ( 21 pts, 12 rbs, 2 blks)
2. Pau Gasol 9 (20 pts, 12 rbs, 4 assts, 2 blks)
3. Chris Paul 8 ( 16 pts, 5 rbs, 11 assts, 3 stls)
4. Josh Smith 7 ( 15 pts 9 rbs, 4 assts, 2 blks)
4. Derrick Rose 7 (26 pts 4 rbs, 8 assts)
4. Deron Williams 7 (22 pts, 4 rbs, 10 assts, 1 stl)
7. Russell Westbrook 6.5 (25 pts, 6 rbs, 9 assts, 2 stls)
8. Kevin Garnett 6 (16 pts, 9 rbs, 2 stls, 1 blk)
8. Dwyane Wade 6 (21 pts, 6 rbs, 4 assts)
8. Rajon Rondo 6 (11 pts 5 rbs, 14 assts, 2 stls)
8. Carmelo Anthony 6 (23 pts 8 rbs, 3 assts)
8. Tony Parker 6 (17 pts, 7 assts, 2 stls)

Bottom Five
The five players whom one would say the following: “I didn't even know he was still in the NBA,” or “ How in the hell did he lead the team in even one category, ever in his life, let alone be the most valuable player in a victory,” when notified that they made the Man of the Match leaderboard.

Melvin Ely
Josh McRoberts
Leandro Barbosa
Amir Johnson
Jose Calderon/Ronny Turiaf

Just a quick refresher: I came up with the man of the match criteria last season. In order to get credit for a “point,” your team has to win, and you have to lead your team in the most categories out of points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks. Not earth-shaking stuff here, but I'll leave the advanced statistical analysis to those who are much smarter than I am. In looking at the leaders, half on the list are point guards. There are so many quality floor generals right now, the whole “Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul” argument now involves at least 3 others who could be considered the best in the league. Other parts of the list that stand out include Gasol being the MVP in 9 of the Lakers 13 victories, bringing up the question, is he starting to be more valuable than Kobe? Also, whether or not he wants to be in Denver isn't really affecting Melo's play that much. His points are slightly down but the 8 rebounds a game is a little unexpected. The return of KG is kind of a surprise, with him playing really well and looking more and more like the pre-2008 version.

Random Observations

Chicago: I have to talk about my Bulls, and mainly how happy I am that they're off to a 9-7 start, with Carlos Boozer just now coming back. Rose can now hit outside shots, making him almost unstoppable. My only concern is the fact that he's logging heavy minutes, which hopefully Thibs is smart enough to monitor by year's end. Luol Deng looks a lot better than last year, Noah keeps improving, and now Taj Gibson makes for a helluva 6th man. I like our chances.

San Antonio: If someone would have told me that San Antonio would start out 15-3, and didn't say that Tiago Splitter is averaging 40 pts and 20 rebounds a game, I would have questioned their sanity. But, with essentially the same team as last year, the Spurs are back as a title contender. It's almost as if they're mustering up one more really great run before Duncan becomes a role player or retires, and the team gets broken up. Richard Jefferson looks completely different, and I like the move to start Dejuan Blair. I also think that James Anderson looms as an x-factor in the playoffs as someone who can knock down a big shot for them.

B Easy, K Love, and Darko: What a combo. There's probably not a more unique frontcourt in all the game. Darko could have finally found a home after 7, 257 teams didn't work out for him. He's averaging 2.9 blocks a game for the Wolves, while Love continues to lead the league in boards, and Beasley is averaging 21 a game and not acting like a head case. Don't worry, I'm still kind of happy the Bulls took Rose and not him. But still, he's playing better and behaving himself. Baby steps, Mike.

Miami: You would think I would have led off with these guys, but I still haven't seen enough of them yet, making me hesitant to write them off. Bosh has been a major disaster, though I honestly would be really scared if the Bulls had to face them in a 4 vs.5 match-up come spring.

Golden State: They've become my favorite Western team to watch, simply because I love watching Curry and Ellis play together. Biedrins and David Lee rebound everything in sight. Put it together and you have a team that I'd really love to see end up in the playoffs, potentially upsetting the Lakers or someone of that ilk in April.

Noteworthy, footnotes: John Wall, Blake Griffin, Greg Oden, Carmelo being traded, Milwaukee and Charlotte being terrible, and the Knicks playing decent.

Central Division Profiles: Noah, the Greeter

Russ previewed the Central Division earlier, giving us the tale of the tape, and now here's a bit on Joakim Noah, inspired by Chicago's constant use of him as trade bait and the idea that they really hate the player they just might need the most:

Every day Mr. Thibodeau comes to work he parks his car in the manager's spot right next to the sidewalk.  He steps out of his Lexus, shined like a black dress shoe, and walks around to the front of the building.  He could use the back door, but he doesn't.  He could use the side door, but he doesn't.  He could use any door he pleases, but he doesn't.  After he locks his car doors with a beep, the keys go in his pocket and stay there.  The man wants to go in the front door, and he wants to see the place through the eyes of the customer, so every morning Mr. Thibodeau assesses the professionalism and class of his dining establishment.  He wants it to come off as five stars even if it only deserves three.  He wants the the sum to be greater than its parts, and that's why he hates Joakim Noah, the matradee.

He looks Noah in the eye every morning and says, "You're an ugly son of bitch.  I hope you know that."

To which Noah responds, "Ugliness ain't nothin' but a flesh wound, and I'm all bone--tough shit, man, that's me, and beauty ain't got nothin' to do with what I do.  Feel me."

"That's some superficial bull shit if I ever heard it.  You think a salesman, a face of a franchise, looks and talks the way you do?  You think Dwight Howard welcomes people to Stan's Steakhouse with that kind of gibberish?  No, he doesn't.  The man smiles and flexes like an Adonis, while you smirk behind a freakin' bow tie, and for God sakes tuck in your shirt."

"The bow tie ain't got nothin' to do with sayin' hi.  The people get me," Noah responds, as Mr. Thibodeau continues to walk through the foyer, lit by a crystal chandelier.  "Mr. Thibodeau, I'm the people's champ, which means even if I go--I'm still here.  Sir, beg your pardon, but I'm a G."

Mr. Thibodeau does not turn around but quickens his pace and shakes his head.  He hates Joakim Noah. He hates his twisted face and his untamed hair, which clashes with the floral arrangements and swans made out of napkins.  He hates the way the man speaks, like a rough stretch of asphalt, dotted with yellow lines from Confucius.  He even hates the man's energy and how it has him there every morning before anyone else is even awake.

Mr. Thibodeau hates Joakim Noah.  He even hates Noah's loyalty because Noah puts up with his daily harassments, smiling and waving like some Wal-mart greeter, and that's just the thing--he can't fire Joakim Noah because Noah makes people feel as confidant in eating foods they can't pronounce as they do when buying frozen pizza and Doritos.  Noah makes people confident in possibility, despite making a tuxedo look like a blue vest and a yellow smiley face that gets by on little health insurance and crooked teeth.

Photo Credits: Langston deserves the credit for both of these photos.  Personally, I'm not sure which one looks more believable, maybe both?

NBA Preview Part 2: Central Division

NBA previews continue with a look at the Central Division. One correction from the Atlantic preview, I project the Celtics to win the division and get the 2nd seed in the East.  Now on to the Central.

1)  Cleveland Cavaliers
Last Year: 61-21, lost in Eastern Conference Semifinals

Additions: Ramon Session, Samardo Samuels, um....Joey Graham?
Subtractions: Lebron James, Delonte West, Shaquille O'Neal

LCB NBA Picks: Lebron's Destination

Everyone else is doing it, so we thought we would join in on the fun, because we're sheep. Yep, you guessed right, we're going to tell you where Lebron is playing next season before he gives his big announcement tomorrow night. So give us a moment, as we prepare to look into the deep dark future of tomorrow and make the jump to see what we see.

Five Reasons the Bulls Will Win Game 3

It's not looking good right now for my hometown Chicago Bulls as they face a 2-0 deficit to the Cleveland Lebrons. Due to a family committment, I did not see much of Game 1. I did, however, suffer through Game 2 and, lo and behold, saw some encouraging signs that the Bulls can actually make this a series. Now I'm not going to go nuts and let my homeristic tendencies spew forth from this page with crazy talk about how they can actually pull off a miracle and advance to round 2. Deep down I still believe, but, realistically, it's probably not going to happen. In honor of John Paxson, our starting point guard during our first championship run of the 90's (who now doubles as an alleged bully GM who got into a fracas with our current Coach), here are five reasons why the Bulls will win Game 3, his number.  If I thought of any more than 5, someone would have to beat me over the head with a billy club until I regained a sense of normalcy and objectivity.

Breakfast with Berndon: 25 Large

Berndon is back with "BBE," giving you his list of the twenty-five most important players in the NBA while wrapping up a season of aimlessness for the Chicago Bulls.