Kevin Durant & Russell Westbrook Are Pretty Good

All of sports, not just basketball, likes to put things in dire terms of good versus evil. It's not true, but it makes things more entertaining, more heated, more dynamic.

The NBA At High Noon On Christmas Day

This season was a slow train coming, especially after an offseason that saw owners and players and owners trying to paint each opposing side as a band of ruthless outlaws, while portraying themselves as men who just wanted to do the right thing, for justice and basketball, like Gary Cooper, like the sworn in sheriff, like David Stern's ego.

Miami's Scrap Heaps

As the Heat win their multiple championships, Pat Riley forging rings like he was in Middle Earth, a lot of veterans, and perhaps younger players, too, will find themselves cast offs of the metalworks, unprecious gems never to be heard from again, unwanted by bargain hunting yardsale stalkers. Is there anything sadder than the ring-chasing veteran who came up empty handed?

This Should Help Your Popularity..

"All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that.

The Best Thing That Could Ever Happen to LeBron

Nothing is more polarizing than a popular kid. To be popular, according to the dictionary, means to be perceived fondly and discussed in terms of general approval, but I'm not so sure that's always the case, because to be popular is also to be exposed, to jealousy, to contempt, to ridicule, to unreasonable standards, solely because people praised you in the first place. Not only can popularity unleash the negativity of the masses onto an individual, but popularity, just like its counterpoint, can uproot the individual from reality altogether.

Empires in Decline: The Sun Sets on the Boston Celtics

The following four paragraphs were adapted from an article, in "The Wall Street Journal", entitled "Sun Setting on British Power" by Alistair MacDonald (we made them about basketball):

An Instructional Guide to Head Butting

Paul Pierce, you did a great job lining up and targeting your victim, but you need to follow through with force and determination. When head butting, one must be a bull or a torpedo, not a kitten rubbing its whiskers on its owner's leg. Watch Zidane focus in on his target, go in with authority, and then stand with real menace over his victim. We expect better, Paul, we expect better.

American Idol Judges the NBA's Eastern Conference Playoffs

Ryan Seacrest: We're down to sixteen contestants and breaking it all down for us tonight will be our three judges, offering up their best advice and critiques of the eight teams representing the League's Eastern Conference.

Poet in the Post: The Heat of Crying

She told everyone I cried.
I don't remember crying,
but she said that I did.
She dumped me in fifth grade,
on the phone,
and then told all the other pony-tailed girls
that I cried like I was one of them.
I still don't remember the tears,
but I do remember being sad--
I remember being a sad, little fifth grader.

Paper Tigers: What Lessons Need to Be Learned by Miami's Big Three from Embarrassment

"Is Allah so unbending. . . . Should God be proud or humble, majestic or simple, yielding or un-? 

What kind of idea is he?What kind am I?"

--Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

I've got four years experience, but I am in no way an expert teacher. I still struggle sometimes with how to give upbeat criticism that doesn't crush a kid's hopes and inspirations. I also sometimes over react to small things, and I under react to big things. And I know there are times when my expectations grate on the kids, especially my AP students. I call them kids because sometimes I need to remind myself that they're still growing up and that car wash fundraisers and Prom and curfews are all more important to them than the knowledge to be found in 50 Essays. I call them kids because I need to remind myself that patience is required; they are not finished products--some of them aren't even on the same assembly line. But one of the few things I have learned in my short tenure as an educator is that students kids need to know you have a plan and they need to believe in it. And while they may not know every step of the plan or even need to know, you have to make them aware that the plan is a process and not an exact formula. The plan is never as simple as do this, then this, and then this happens. It's more like work on this, work on it some more, okay, now that you think you've mastered it, work on this new thing. It's frustrating. It's a battle of wills. It's cursing the powers that be, and it's wrestling with faith. No more. No less. Just complicated and tedious. Even painful.

Breakfast with Berndon: NBA's First Month

My interest in the NBA tends to wane slightly once college ball tips off, but this year I've kept at least one eye on the proceedings. My Bulls are, at least in my eyes, a legitimate title contender. The Miami chemistry experiment appears to be blowing up in Pat Riley's face, and, quite simply, the league is stacked like it hasn't been in a long time. What follows is the return of my power rankings, the return of the “man of the match," and some random commentary thrown in free of charge at the bottom.

Power Rankings

1. Boston (13-4) KG's knees apparently work again.
2. Lakers (13-5) Losing four in a row doesn't change the fact that they're still the favorites.
3. San Antonio (15-2) Shocking they've gotten out as fast as they have.
4. Dallas (13-4) Tyson Chandler is protecting the rim, Dallas actually is playing D now.
5. Orlando (13-4) I still think the Bulls will be better, but Dwight Howard still scares me.
6. Utah (14-5) Without Okur, great start as they plug in Jefferson for Boozer.
7. New Orleans (12-5) Chris Paul shows he's back.
8. Oklahoma City (12-6) Westbrook, not Durant, for MVP?
9. Chicago (9-6) I'm licking my chops with a 9-6 record without Boozer.
10. Miami (10-8) Almost under .500. Wow.
11. Atlanta (11-7) Joe Johnson is out 4-6 weeks, give Jordan Crawford his minutes?
12. Denver (10-6) Take one more shot, or trade Carmelo and start from scratch?
13. Indiana (9-7) Roy Hibbert might be an All-Star.
14. Memphis (8-10) I think they'll take off and get 50 wins.
15. Phoenix (8-9) Hakim Warrick, you are no Amar'e Stoudemire.
16. Portland (8-9) They still have about 3 more season-ending injuries left in them.
17. New York (10-9) Wilson Chandler is a charter member of the All-Underrated team.
18. Golden St. (8-10) A year or two away, but entertaining as hell.
19. Houston (5-12) Still could be somewhere ranging between frisky and dangerous eventually.
20. Cleveland (7-10) I hope they murder Miami tonight. Not literally Cleveland, calm down.
21. Milwaukee (6-11) Wait, your telling me a team has quit on Scott Skiles?
22. Minnesota (4-13) Maybe Minnesota is the location of Darko finding his freedom.
23. Sacramento (4-12) I hope Cousins cries on the bench at some point.
24. New Jersey (6-12) I honestly thought they'd be a little better.
25. Charlotte (6-11) Last year apparently was a fluke.
26. Detroit (6-12) All I want for X-mas is Rip or Tayshaun in a Bulls uniform.
27. Clippers (3-15) Baron Davis is an asshole. Way to eat your way out of the league.
28. Washington (5-11) I really like JaVale McGee.
29. Philly (5-13) I'm kind of surprised Evan Turner has struggled.
30. Toronto (6-11) The Raptors do not have the worst record, but give it time, they will.

Man of the Match Leaderboard

1. Dwight Howard 13 ( 21 pts, 12 rbs, 2 blks)
2. Pau Gasol 9 (20 pts, 12 rbs, 4 assts, 2 blks)
3. Chris Paul 8 ( 16 pts, 5 rbs, 11 assts, 3 stls)
4. Josh Smith 7 ( 15 pts 9 rbs, 4 assts, 2 blks)
4. Derrick Rose 7 (26 pts 4 rbs, 8 assts)
4. Deron Williams 7 (22 pts, 4 rbs, 10 assts, 1 stl)
7. Russell Westbrook 6.5 (25 pts, 6 rbs, 9 assts, 2 stls)
8. Kevin Garnett 6 (16 pts, 9 rbs, 2 stls, 1 blk)
8. Dwyane Wade 6 (21 pts, 6 rbs, 4 assts)
8. Rajon Rondo 6 (11 pts 5 rbs, 14 assts, 2 stls)
8. Carmelo Anthony 6 (23 pts 8 rbs, 3 assts)
8. Tony Parker 6 (17 pts, 7 assts, 2 stls)

Bottom Five
The five players whom one would say the following: “I didn't even know he was still in the NBA,” or “ How in the hell did he lead the team in even one category, ever in his life, let alone be the most valuable player in a victory,” when notified that they made the Man of the Match leaderboard.

Melvin Ely
Josh McRoberts
Leandro Barbosa
Amir Johnson
Jose Calderon/Ronny Turiaf

Just a quick refresher: I came up with the man of the match criteria last season. In order to get credit for a “point,” your team has to win, and you have to lead your team in the most categories out of points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks. Not earth-shaking stuff here, but I'll leave the advanced statistical analysis to those who are much smarter than I am. In looking at the leaders, half on the list are point guards. There are so many quality floor generals right now, the whole “Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul” argument now involves at least 3 others who could be considered the best in the league. Other parts of the list that stand out include Gasol being the MVP in 9 of the Lakers 13 victories, bringing up the question, is he starting to be more valuable than Kobe? Also, whether or not he wants to be in Denver isn't really affecting Melo's play that much. His points are slightly down but the 8 rebounds a game is a little unexpected. The return of KG is kind of a surprise, with him playing really well and looking more and more like the pre-2008 version.

Random Observations

Chicago: I have to talk about my Bulls, and mainly how happy I am that they're off to a 9-7 start, with Carlos Boozer just now coming back. Rose can now hit outside shots, making him almost unstoppable. My only concern is the fact that he's logging heavy minutes, which hopefully Thibs is smart enough to monitor by year's end. Luol Deng looks a lot better than last year, Noah keeps improving, and now Taj Gibson makes for a helluva 6th man. I like our chances.

San Antonio: If someone would have told me that San Antonio would start out 15-3, and didn't say that Tiago Splitter is averaging 40 pts and 20 rebounds a game, I would have questioned their sanity. But, with essentially the same team as last year, the Spurs are back as a title contender. It's almost as if they're mustering up one more really great run before Duncan becomes a role player or retires, and the team gets broken up. Richard Jefferson looks completely different, and I like the move to start Dejuan Blair. I also think that James Anderson looms as an x-factor in the playoffs as someone who can knock down a big shot for them.

B Easy, K Love, and Darko: What a combo. There's probably not a more unique frontcourt in all the game. Darko could have finally found a home after 7, 257 teams didn't work out for him. He's averaging 2.9 blocks a game for the Wolves, while Love continues to lead the league in boards, and Beasley is averaging 21 a game and not acting like a head case. Don't worry, I'm still kind of happy the Bulls took Rose and not him. But still, he's playing better and behaving himself. Baby steps, Mike.

Miami: You would think I would have led off with these guys, but I still haven't seen enough of them yet, making me hesitant to write them off. Bosh has been a major disaster, though I honestly would be really scared if the Bulls had to face them in a 4 vs.5 match-up come spring.

Golden State: They've become my favorite Western team to watch, simply because I love watching Curry and Ellis play together. Biedrins and David Lee rebound everything in sight. Put it together and you have a team that I'd really love to see end up in the playoffs, potentially upsetting the Lakers or someone of that ilk in April.

Noteworthy, footnotes: John Wall, Blake Griffin, Greg Oden, Carmelo being traded, Milwaukee and Charlotte being terrible, and the Knicks playing decent.

NBA Preview Part 3: Southeast Division

NBA preview continues with part 3 and the Southeast Division.

1)  Orlando Magic
Last Year: 59-23, lost in Eastern Conference Finals
Additions: Chris Duhon, Quentin Richardson,
Subtractions: Matt Barnes

The Magic have been a Top 4 team in the NBA the past two seasons and for the foreseeable will a team to contend with, but will they ever have what it takes to get over the hump?  They dominated the last part of last season, winning 27 of their last 34 games and dominating the first two rounds of the playoffs against Charlotte and Atlanta.  But if a team has a big man that can defend Dwight Howard one on one,  like Boston could with Kendrick Perkins, then the offense crumbles around Howard.  Howard is not offensively skilled enough at this point in his career to carry a team on his shoulders unless he can just overpower the opposing front line. If he can't demand a double team, the Magic have a hard time scoring against the elite.  The defense will always be elite with Howard guarding the rim and Stan Van Gundy's ability to coach defense.  But until Howard develops an offensive repertoire beyond dunking, the Magic will have a difficult time getting over the hump, espeically with aging players like Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis on the perimeter. Howard is still young, but he is also entering his seventh season.  Have we seen the best he can offer on offense?
Prediction: 54-28, 4th place


2)  Atlanta Hawks
Last Year: 53-29, 1st round exit
They virtually have the same team as last season, no major additions or subtractions


The Atlanta Hawks are basically in the same position the Wizards were two years ago.  The Hawks have maxed out what they can get out of this roster and were put in a terrible position to sign their top player Joe Johnson (Gilbert Arenas) in order to show that the Hawks were serious about winning, even if it would cripple the franchise financially long-term. In what was easily the worst contract this offseason, the Hawks signed a good player to max money, with Johnson receiving 124 million in a 6 year deal (Gilbert Arenas received an extension worth 6 years 111 million). The Hawks have a solid core of good players, but lack the superstar power needed to a serious threat in a revamped Eastern Conference, with little flexibility to improve the team in the future.  They also had everything go right injury wise last year, and that is bound to not happen this season.  They won't win as many as this year in reaching the playoffs, and they will lose in the first round.
Prediction: 47-35 6th place


3)  Miami Heat
Last Year: 47-35, 1st round exit
Additions: Lebron James, Chris Bosh, Mike Miller, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Eddie House
Subtractions: Michael Beasley, Jermaine O'Neal, Quentin Richardson, Daquan Cook, Dorell Wright

Unless you are living under a rock, you know about the productive offseason the Miami Heat had.  They have 3 of the top 10 best players in the NBA on one team. They will be unstoppable on offense in both the half court and in transition.  But their success is not guaranteed like most everyone predicts.  They still don't know who is playing center from the litter of veterans they signed in the offseason and a series against the Magic and Dwight Howard will pose quite the mismatch.  And as the preseason has already shown injuries to any of the Big 3 could slow down this juggernaut.  With that said, I expect the Heat to get the number 1 seed and to win the Eastern Conference.  They won't challenge for 70 wins because they will rest their players once they lock up a one seed, but 60 wins or more seems likely.
Prediction: 65-17 1st place 


4)  Charlotte Bobcats
Last Year: 44-38, 1st round exit
Additions: Shaun Livingston, Kwame Brown, Sherron Collins
Subtractions: Raymond Felton, Tyson Chandler, Larry Hughes

I don't really know how this flawed lineup made the playoffs last year, which is a testament to Larry Brown's ability to get the best out of his players.  But the roster moves made by Michael Jordan and Brown over the offseason leaves me scratching my head and the team much worse off .  They decided to part ways with Ray Felton for monetary reasons, but did not find a viable replacement and will have either Shaun Livingston or DJ Augustin as the starting point guard.  They traded Tyson Chandler for nothing but cap relief from the luxury tax, leaving them with Nazr Mohammad and DeSagana Diop at center.  They have two decent scoring options in Gerald Wallace and Stephen Jackson, one promising young player in Tyrus Thomas, an overweight Boris Diaw, and then huge question marks.  Not good.  They don't make the playoffs this year.
Prediction: 36-46

5)  Washington Wizards
Last Year: 26-56
Additions: John Wall, Kirk Hinrich, Yi Jianlian
Subtractions: Mike Miller, Randy Foye, Quinton Ross

This is my surprise team in the Eastern Conference.  I will simply give my three reasons for why they make the playoffs this year.

1)  Youth Movement. Out with the old, in with the new. John Wall will provide off the charts athleticism at the point guard position with the ability to blow by defenders and create easy opportunities for teammates inside and out.  Andray Blatche had his best numbers last season with 15 and 6 in 27 minutes per game, displaying huge progress as a scorer. JaVale McGee is a young and improving center that will be relied on heavily for his shot blocking, rebounding, and ability to finish around the rim.

2)  Focus:  From the death of Abe Pollin and subsequent ownership change, to Gilbert's legal issues, to the trading of Jamison, Haywood, and Butler, there were huge distractions throughout last season where the team was answering more questions about news off the court than the play on the court.  It was a huge burden and it showed with a 26 win season.  With a new season comes the breath of fresh air of the John Wall era. With the maturity gained by the young players on last year's team, the influx of new players, and a coach who will be able to coach and not babysit, you will see a more focused Wizard team with more consistent energy and effort each and every game.

3)  Eastern Conference.  Even though the Heat and the Bulls got stronger, they were already playoff teams last year.  After the Heat, Celtics, Magic, and Bulls, the rest of the east is pretty wide open.  The Cavs, Bobcats, and Raptors will be much worse. Only the Knicks and the Nets are going to be leaps and bounds better.  The last 2-3 spots have the potential to be filled by the unexpected.
Prediction: 42-40 7th place 1st round exit

Michael Hipster Runoff Beasley

Josh Spilker of Deckfight is back with us to share some words on a man who was booted from the fiesta in Miami before it even got going.  He's crediting the style of the piece to the blog Hipster Runoff, so if you like it, check that out as well.  


Michael Beasley, feels like we barely knew you.

Revisiting LeBron's Decision and Jesse Jackson's Comments

I already unloaded my thoughts the night it happened over at The Faster Times, and I still have yet to hear anyone defend The Decision; but opinions do vary heavily on the decision.  I even got into an argument with a woman yesterday about it and she left the room crying when I said loyalty went out the window the moment Dan Gilbert fired his GM and coach who had won 120 plus games the last two years, which, in my mind, opens up all sorts of floodgates.  She was neither from Cleveland, nor was she a basketball fan, and in her frustration, she said to hell with pro sports and that all their greed and disloyalty is why she watches only college sports, to which I responded "Lane Kiffin."  But the point I think both she and I and everyone everyone else are missing and are afraid to discuss is that this decision by James is much more complicated than a matter of loyalty.  In fact, what it has to say about loyalty may be a marginal matter in terms of this decision's importance.

LCB NBA Picks: Lebron's Destination

Everyone else is doing it, so we thought we would join in on the fun, because we're sheep. Yep, you guessed right, we're going to tell you where Lebron is playing next season before he gives his big announcement tomorrow night. So give us a moment, as we prepare to look into the deep dark future of tomorrow and make the jump to see what we see.

Celtics Take 1-0 Lead Over Heat: "Two Comedians"

The Celtics won the first game of their first round series with the Heat by a score of 85-76.  The best player on the floor was clearly Dwyane Wade, who put together a stat line of 26 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists, and 7 turnovers.  Paul Pierce once again showed off his fragility, whether it was due to his delicate physical state or needy emotional character is up for debate. KG elbowed ever closer to the status of a crotchety old man at the Y, growing more and more frustrated with the loss of his own athleticism and, therefore, his own importance, and, somehow, the real catalyst for these theatrics was the long lost court jester, Quentin Richardson, who found the inspiration (testicular fortitude) to take on the spineless role of Iago and whisper sweet nothings in the ear of KG.  KG's response got him suspended.  The Playoffs are clearly upon us, and this scene from Saturday night deserves its own Ed Hopper piece:

Romeo, played by a Kevin Garnett believed by some to be too old for the starring role, holds Juliet's head in his hands and weeps.  Juliet is played by an aging star as well, Paul Pierce, who has a reputation as a great actor in scenes containing the bed cousins of life and death, and even the occasional resurrection.  However, Pierce falters in scenes of the mundane, appearing bitter and cross that not every moment of his career can be seen as dramatic as bearing a cross on his way to the grave and, ultimately, his greatest triumph.  

In fact, Pierce's favorite role in his long career, that exists somewhere in the cloudy realm of better than good but not quite great, is the time he played Jesus in a Hollywood version of Jesus Christ Superstar.    The production was also the first time Pierce teamed up with Garnett, who played the part of the Virgin Mary.  Critics hailed the film as a real life example of the Immaculate Conception, or something out of nothing; after all, the cast did not even meet before shooting started, much less rehearse.  The chemistry between the two stars and their supporting cast was uncanny, as they and their agents had followed a bright star to Boston where a majority of the film took place.  Rajon Rondo was stunning as a more than tempting Mary Magdalene and Ray Allen possessed the knack of disappearing and then reappearing, with burro in hand, as the thankless, always mortal, father figure, Joseph, in The Greatest Story Ever Told.  

The film was an artistic achievement, as well as a box office smash, and the careers of the cast were finally embraced by a pantheon of past greats, that didn't seem to mind even the most expletive filled Awards speeches by Garnett, forgiving each f-word from out the Madonna's mouth as a sigh of relief that all her hard work and difficult choices, such as leaving the place of her birth, were not in vein.  Times were good, and most believed more were on their way, but the group's follow-up effort to their Biblical epic (fans loved their 2009 version of The Big Chill, while critics wondered why the most talented Celtic was cast as a dead man, whose scenes were cut from the final version, even if his death brought out the most from everyone else).  The epilogues of epic myths are often underwhelming in comparison to the stories that birthed them.

Now, the ensemble is reunited, and Kevin, his limbs trembling, cries into his Paul's closed eyes: "Oh, here/ Will I set up my everlasting rest/ And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars/ From this world-wearied flesh./ Eyes, look your last!/ Arms, take your--"

Paul jerks to life, wincing in pain, "Dude! don't squeeze my shoulder so hard!  I told ya'll I hurt it in dress rehearsal putting on my corset."  Kevin stares into Paul's now wild eyes, not knowing how to handles his co-star's ad-lib, whether to kiss him and die or to walk off the stage and say forget the whole thing, neither of us is a teenager anyway.  

"Man, this is terrible.  The lines aren't right.  Casting's terrible.  'Sheed's the only one pulling off his role as Mercutio, which means he's just gotta run his mouth," comes a voice from the front row, which Kevin and Paul can not see because of the stage lights.  "I should have listened to Joakim.  Ya'll lost whatever it is after spendin' last year singin' 'Ain't Too Proud to Beg' like you were a bunch of Kevin Klein's."  The voice, full of frustration, sounds exactly like Quentin Richardson and pauses to let the insults sink in, just long enough for someone to throw an elbow, but even Kevin's long arms can not reach all the way to the front row, if only he were closer.  "That's it.  I'm outta here.  I'm goin' to see Michael Bay's Transformers 3, starring LeBron and Shaq.  It'll be overhyped, but at least it's got some bad ass robots."    

The rest of the crowd erupts in applause.  After nearly an hour and a half, Quentin's monologue is the first genuine acting of the night.  Kevin can hear them picking up their things.  He can hear them moving to the ends of their aisles.  Here he is on the biggest stage in the world, playing one of the greatest parts in history, and the crowd doesn't even have the decency to watch him die--they'd rather follow this harlequin out the door to see some Hollywood bastardization of what was once a great '80s cartoon show.  Kevin can't stand it.  His eyes boil over with hatred.  All of his injuries, all of his pain, all the years of feeling like no one noticed him, he sees it all parading in front of him, following Quentin Richardson, as if Quentin were a pied piper leading all the snakes in Eden.  Kevin leaps off the stage screaming, throwing elbows, biting, pulling and pushing his way through the crowd.  They grab at him.  They try and stop him.  But somebody will die tonight.  It doesn't have to be Romeo.  It doesn't have to be Juliet.  All Kevin knows is that this play is a tragedy, and, as Kevin moves through the theatre like a tank in Tiananmen Square, a calm voice arises over the chaos, "For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo."  The voice is that of Dwyane Wade's, a man accustomed to getting the last word.  

Miami Heat Preview: "New York Office"

In an effort to gear up for the NBA season, we will view the upcoming season through the eyes of Edward Hopper. Feel free to add your thoughts on the 2010 Heat in our comments section.Ms. Haslem thumbs through the rolodex of the firm's contacts. The sound of cards fluttering under her hands sounds like a bird trapped inside of a bag, or the confines of a chimney. The wings beat against the frustration of limited space. Stop. And flap again, unable to find an opening. An exit. A chance to fly.

Her boss Mr. Wade has given her a limited time period in which to find a suitable candidate to aid him in resurrecting the struggling law firm, which is plagued by a dwindling list of clients and a downtown rent he can no longer afford. His instructions have been very specific: "Ms. Haslem, while I appreciate your previous recommendations, they have been found to be somewhat wanting. We need someone of strong character. We need someone who knows their role. We need someone who is healthy, and we need someone of sound thought and mind." In each trait listed, Mr. Wade implicitly reminds Ms. Haslem that all of her previous recommendations have failed to meet his criteria in some way.

The three most notable disappointments were Mr. Marion, who used his stylish brief case and designer threads to lure female clients into compromising positions on his desk; (the second) Mr. O'Neal, who often showed up to work incapacitated; and Mr. Beasley, who, blessed by obvious potential, chose to write his legal documents as sonnets, dedicated to the tragic nature of Van Gogh. Each of these man's failures to relieve the mounting pressures on Mr. Wade have brought him closer and closer to the truth that he may have to go from employer to employed; a truth he finds as deep and dark as a faultline.

Three and a half years ago Mr. Wade and (the first) Mr. O'Neal moved the firm into its downtown office, which at the time was freshly renovated and smelled of clean carpet and new paint. When Ms. Haslem hung the"Open" sign on the door, she felt the sign suggested as much about the future as it did about the firm's hours of operation. In a pink dress with her hands on her hips and a smile on her face, she stood on the sidewalk, proud as a flamingo, and addressed the door as if she were a bride about to be carried over the threshold, "This is exactly as it should be."

The only complaint Ms. Haslem had about her new place of employment, in that first year, was that the windows were painted shut. No matter how hard she pushed the windows would not budge. She even used a butter knife to chisel away at the paint between the window and the window sill, but all she managed to do was bang her funny bone against the glass in a manner that sent needles up and down her arm. The window was shut, and the fresh air of that first day at work soon grew heavy and stale, like a fart, incubating inside of a parked car, on a summer day. At first, Ms. Haslem thought, "how depressing?" but her spirit was not broken. She showed up the next day with oscillating fans and three potted flowers. If the breeze could not find its way into the room, then she would just create her own breeze to blow across an ocean of carpet.

Of course, that was during Ms. Haslem's first year at Wade and O'Neal Associates. Then the waves of paper work began to lap at her desk, and her ship began to break asunder, as she noticed Mr. O'Neal was embezzling money from the firm. She kept telling herself the numbers must be lying, but the numbers kept failing to add up. The decreases in hours logged by Mr. O'Neal did not account for his increases in pay. While Mr. O'Neal appeared more often on the golf course, Mr. Wade stayed later and later, as more and more of Mr. O'Neal's clients found Mr. Wade working their cases. Ms. Haslem watched the scenario like a weatherman studying a tropical depression that transformed into a tropical storm, and then became a hurricane.

The door of Mr. Wade's office swung open, and a gust of wind tore through the room. "You can leave, Mr. O'Neal. Leave now. Leave your clients. Leave your brief case. Leave your belongings on the desk. Use your two legs and walk to Phoenix for all I care, but your time in this office is done."

"Are you kicking me out after all I've done for you?!?" bellowed Mr. O'Neal. "Do you even know how we came by this office? That it's my representation and covering up of that slumlord Riley that is the only reason we came as far as we did--"

"I said you can leave."

Ms. Haslem watched as Mr. O'Neal exited his partner's office for the last time, tossing the waiting chairs at the foot of her desk, causing potted flowers to fall from their resting spots and spill onto the carpet, like broken shingles ripped from a roof top. Then Mr. O'Neal snatched a letter opener from Ms. Haslem's desk and slashed gashes in the sea of carpet, causing it to ripple all the way to the walls like distant islands. As Mr. O'Neal blew through the office's front door, Ms. Haslem couldn't help but notice, that from inside the office, the sign on the door read "Closed." Then she turned and took in the results of the tsunami, whispering to herself, but loud enough for Mr. Wade to hear, "At least nobody got hurt."

Since that day, Ms. Haslem has watched the reconstruction of the firm wear on Mr. Wade. His shoulders slump like an old man's under the weight of a heavy beam, and in the mornings he no longer enters the office like a rising sun, but as a worm that crawls out of the earth whenever it rains, slinking his way through the waiting area and into his office, where he takes out an index card and writes: "Mr. Knickerbocker, I'm ready to hear your offer."

He signs the card, and slides it into an envelop, knowing that if he sends the letter, he's giving up the dream of flying on his own, to become the pussy cat that licks its chops at the sight of a caged bird.

Hostage Crisis: Quentin Richardson Traded to the Miami Heat

The following letter is from NBA basketball player Quentin Richardson to his mother, and LCB would have published it earlier but chose not to, out of respect for the ongoing investigation into the kidnapping of Quentin Richardson, who is now believed to be held captive in Miami:

Dear Mom,

I wanted to write earlier, but I thought they might move me again; and you wouldn't know where to send your reply. Don't worry. I don't think they mean me any harm. It's actually a lot like summer camp, or a really long field trip.

In New York, we got to see the Statue of Liberty and Madison Square Garden. Then, they blindfolded us and took us down in the subway. I could tell it was the subway cause I could feel the bottled up heat and hear the screeching trains. We got on and off so many trains I'm not sure where we went, but when I got off the last train, I was in Memphis.

Well, I didn't know it was Memphis at the time, but the Elvis statue and the glass pyramid gave it away. I asked them if there were any pharaohs still in it, and they got real nervous and told me they never gave cash to anyone. They said they didn't believe in special privileges for anyone, even in death, including pharaohs, kings, or point guards. Besides learning that everyone in Memphis gets treated the same, I learned that there aren't any real grizzlies there. That surprised me cause I thought mascots were supposed to be factual.

Before leaving Memphis, we stopped to get some ribs. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back, my root beer tasted weird. I don't remember much after that, except waking up in an L.A. movie theatre. I felt a little groggy, but I think the movie was about 9 aliens. If I was an alien, I'd have antennas I could pull out of my head. I could tell you a lot more about L.A., but you would already know most of it cause I used to live there.

Next, we went to Minnesota. I thought we would get to see the Mall of America, which would have been epic cause it has a roller coaster inside of it. We didn't get to see it though. I was told too many people might notice me there, so we stayed in a hotel room and watched a special about the Mall of America on the Travel Channel. Did you know they don't even heat it? It's heated by the friction of all the people walking around in it. I learned about friction when I took that science class at DePaul.

I got bored in the hotel room, so they took me to the Judy Garland Museum, which was even more boring. No wonder she went to Oz. I fell asleep on the tour, which ends on South Beach, or, in layman's terms, Miami.

There's a bunch of us hanging out down here. They let us play video games and basketball. We don't really go outside that much, which is one reason Dwyane, my new best friend, says it sucks and he wants to go anywhere but here.

Your Son,
Q

PS If Dwyane leaves, this place will suck more than Minnesota, without the Mall of America.

Ranking the NBA Champions from 2000 to 2009

The NBA more than any other sport tends to define itself by the decade. The '50s belonged to short shorts and George Mikan's Lakers. The '60s clearly belonged to Bill Russell and Red Auerbach's victory cigars, with a bit of Wilt on the side. The '70s were like the NBA's dark ages. A decade where no team dominated--8 different franchises won championships--and the use of crack was rampant in the locker room, not to mention that the ABA peaked during the '70s and had the more entertaining stars of the two leagues. Then came the '80s, which were basketball's Renaissance. Magic and Larry were two rival artists outdoing one another one sculpture at a time, and the Pistons, 76ers, and Rockets weren't bad either. Then came the '90s and the Age of Enlightenment, and the dominance of Michael Jordan shifted the focus from the team to the individual.

Now, with the Lakers' victory over the Magic, another NBA decade has come to a close, and Langston and I have decided to rank the decades ten champions. It's been a strange decade; one that's seen the League hit all-time lows in TV ratings, get berated as "thuggish" by the media, and it's also been the decade where the League's popularity has exploded world wide, which has also increased the League's talent pool.

The play on the court this past ten years has been on par with any other decade, but for some reason it's the decade that lost a hold on the casual sports fan. The two marquee franchises of the decade were clearly San Antonio and Los Angeles, and they both became pigeon holed by the media and the fan. ESPN's 24-hour sports writers and a fanbase raised on highlight reels quit looking for stories that make teams matter and lacked the verve to create a contextual mythology to display those stories, so San Antonio became black and white TV, while the Lakers became a tale of modern ego and what's wrong with athletes today. San Antonio was too fundamental and old school, despite the fact that it was the first franchise to build itself as much on foreign stars, like Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili, as it did on Americans. LA, meanwhile, became a soap opera, and an excuse for message boarders to say, "that's why I like college ball, It's about the name on the front, not the back of the jersey," ignoring the fact that for years NBA champions had not finished college, attended college, or simply used it as a stepping stone.

Anyway, I'll have an article later on this week about what this past decade meant to me as a fan, but, for now, here's a look at the teams that were the best in a decade that actually featured a lot of good ball on the hardwood and some historically great players. The following are what Langston and I came up with after a lot of discussion and debate, especially considering the fact that he happens to be a Lakers fan and I happen to be a Spurs fan:

The Champs:

#1: 2001 Los Angeles Lakers

The team didn't have an overly impressive regular season record--they finished 56-26, and they also weren't stacked throughout the lineup. Shaq and Kobe each averaged 28ppg, but Derek Fisher was the only other Laker that scored in double figures, at 11ppg. One reason this team may not have dominated during the regular season is that they were already the champs and were built to win best of seven's. To back up this opinion, I'm just going to cite the number of guys on this team that already had multiple rings going into the '01 season: Horace Grant (3), Robert Horry (3), and Ron Harper (4). What motivation did these guys have to do well in the regular season? Plus, they were good when it mattered.

In the first round, they swept a talented Blazers team that took them to 7 games the year before, in the Conference Finals. In the second round, they swept a good Sacramento Kings team, and then they swept the Spurs in the conference Finals. The only game they lost en route to the championship was Game 1 of the Finals against the 76ers, and how did they react to this overtime loss? They won the next four games for a 15-1 record, the best in NBA history.

#2: 2003 San Antonio Spurs

First, I feel like I have to preface this team by talking about the '99 champions and what happened the three years between those titles. The '99 team only allowed 84.7 ppg, which is absolutely ridiculous, and it went 15-2 in the playoffs, sweeping the Blazers and Lakers and knocking off KG's Timberwolves. The '99 team was a great team, but only four players from it were still on the roster in 2003: Duncan, Robinson, Steve Kerr, and Malik Rose.

In 2000, Duncan missed the playoffs and the team lost in the first round. Then Popovich and Buford spent two years reshaping the roster and getting beat by the Lakers. During this time, Tim Duncan played some of his best basketball, winning two MVPs, while David Robinson looked more and more like a role player and less and less like a Hall of Famer. As a Spurs fan, one began to worry if the Spurs would ever get past the Lakers again because whenever they met it really felt like Duncan was going one against five. Everyone on the team seemed to be scared of LA, except for Timmy and the Admiral, but the Admiral was running out of gas.

Langston believes that David Robinson's last ride was the Spurs' best, writing, "The twin towers combined to take out some of the best competition in the league, which included the surprising Suns, featuring Marbury, Amare, Penny Hardaway, Shawn Marion, and Joe Johnson, the Kobe/Shaq Lakers, the Dirk/Nash Mavericks, and the Jason Kidd led Nets. I don't think a team in the past 10 years has had steeper competition," but for Spurs fans the '03 championship was more than that. It was Duncan willing a cast of not-quite-ready for prime time players into champions, in order to give the Admiral the proper send off for his final voyage at sea. It was also the final NBA voyage for Steve Smith and Steve Kerr, and the first time that Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili went into the offseason as champions. This rare combination of youth and experience is what made the 2003 Spurs so great, not to mention that they actually won a championship with Captain Jack (Stephen Jackson) as their starting shooting guard.

Also, make note of Duncan's line from the Spurs Game 6 clincher against the Nets: 22 points, 20 rebounds, 10 assists, and 8 blocks.

#3: 2008 Boston Celtics

I'm not sure one championship has ever reinvented the reputations of so many different players, coaches, and GM's. Kevin Garnett went from being a homeless man's Karl Malone to one of the most beloved players in Boston history. Paul Pierce went from being a poster boy for putting the individual above the team to making statements like "I'm the best in the world," and Ray Allen went from being a good player most people would forget about to being a Hall of Famer most people will forget about, but the legacy makeovers went beyond the court.

Doc Rivers, a coach who prior to '08 had never won a playoff series, became the second coming of the Zen Master, while Danny Ainge went from being a kid smashing Matchbox cars together to the architect behind the grand continental railroad. Seriously, what happened in Boston transformed the Three Stooges into the Manhattan Project within one year, which is the truly amazing part of this championship. It only took one year for this team to be assembled and come together to win 66 regular season games, two highly competitive 7-game series, a 6-game series against the Pistons, and a 6-game series against a dangerous Lakers team in the Finals. It takes most teams years to develop that kind of chemistry, which is a testament to how badly everyone on this team wanted to win, and if that's not enough for one to think they belong this high on the list, then take into account some of the numbers Langston came up with:

"Forget that without KG they became an average team in the playoffs this year, and remember how good they were last year. They had an SRS of 9.31, 110.2 points per 100 possessions, and allowed only 98.9 per every 100 possessions. Those are the most impressive numbers out of any of the teams to win in the last 10 years."

#4 2000 LA Lakers:

This team comes in at #4 because it's probably the most well-rounded of the Kobe/Shaq Lakers. They had a legitimate 3rd option in Glen Rice. They gave up 5 less ppg than their '01 counterparts, and they had a better SRS. They also went 64-18 in the regular season, which is ten games better than their '01 counterparts also; however, this team didn't roll through the playoffs quite like the '01 Lakers. This team, on its way to its first title, actually found itself on the ropes quite a few times.

It took them the full five games to get out of the first round against the Sacramento Kings. They easily dismissed Jason Kidd's Suns in the 2nd round, and then they got the scare of their lives against the Portland TrailBlazers, who were in the Western Conference Finals for the second year in a row. It took an amazing alley-oop from Kobe to Shaq for the Lakers to overcome a 15-point lead midway through the 4th quarter. This game against a very good Blazers team shows why the Kobe-Shaq Lakers were so good. The comeback features huge shots from Robert Horry, Derek Fisher, and Brian Shaw, showcasing that making shots as a role player is not just circumstance. This game also shows how good the triangle offense is when it features a dominant post presence. All in all, this game made Kobe and Shaq into great players, and turned the TrailBlazers into the JailBlazers. Portland never recovered, and the Lakers went onto win 3 titles. The Finals matchup of the Lakers and Pacers, which was actually a decent series, seemed ordinary next to what the Lakers had faced out West.

#5: 2005 San Antonio Spurs

Langston and I had a bit of a disagreement here. He went with the '07 Spurs, and I went with the '05 Spurs, which means '05 gets the nod since I'm the one spending over 3 to 4 hours typing this post. Langston marked the '05 team down because their road to the Finals was the Nuggets, Sonics, and Suns, which I'll admit wasn't the Spurs stiffest competition ever. Still, the '05 squad dominated on both sides of the ball because of their versatility. They could outrun the Suns, and they could out defend the Pistons.

The 2005 team gets the nod over the 2007 team because they were younger, and they were the first Spurs team to win a title without David Robinson's presence on the floor and in the locker room. They also featured the Spurs best starting five because this is the only championship team that Ginobili started games for, and some feel that he may have deserved the Finals MVP award .

They also played the only Finals this decade that featured two teams that had previously won championships. The teams split the first four games, which were all blowouts, played an all-time classic in Game 5, and then split games 6 and 7. This Finals is the only time the Spurs actually had to put in work past the Western Conference Finals to win a championship. This series proved the team's mettle.

#6: 2007 San Antonio Spurs

Here's Langston's argument for the '07 Spurs, "Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili were at their best this season. I believe that says a lot, considering they are one of the best trios of all-time. The numbers for this team are an SRS of 8.35, an offensive rating of 109.2, and a defensive rating of 99.9." They were clearly one of the most well-rounded teams of the decade, winning 58 games in the regular seasons and sporting a 16-4 record in the playoffs. What I remember most about this team is that in the Finals it felt like Duncan didn't even need to try. It felt like he wanted Tony Parker to take home the Finals MVP trophy, so he just kept clearing space for him in the lane and setting him up on pick and rolls to the basket. In hindsight, it's like Duncan was thinking, "You know, I'm not as young as I used to be, so maybe I should give the little guy the confidence to carry this team into the future."

#7: 2009 LA Lakers

I'll let the Laker speak up for this team: "They were good when they needed to be, averaging a 10+ point differential in close out games. They were above average offensively with a rating of 112.7, and an average defensive team with a rating of 104.6. I would love to rank them higher, but i don't want to take my playoff high and overrate them. They took too many games off, giving their fans some gray hair in the process--I'm only 25. If they had showed up every night, they could have been a dominant team that you compare other teams to. Still, as a Laker fan, they were easily my favorite Laker team of all-time. Kobe is Kobe. Pau is one of the most enjoyable big men in the League to watch, especially after he stood up for himself against the Magic, at the end of Game 5 when Pietrus hacked him, and Lamar kept things interesting while boosting candy sales. "

Thanks, Langston, but now for the non-Lakers perspective. Bill Simmons is right. The media sold this thing all wrong. The storyline shouldn't have been about Kobe; it should have been about the supporting cast. I used to think Pau Gasol should quit basketball and run a wine vineyard. I don't think that anymore. Lamar Odom went Wonka on the Magic, showing that he is the candy maker we all thought him to be after years of being a recluse inside of the chocolate factory. Phil Jackson was rewarded for his patience with Kobe's egotistical vision quest, and Trevor Ariza became one of the most important role players of the decade. Still, I can't rank this team any higher because KG, Yao, McGrady, Ginobili, and Duncan were all hurt this postseason. The Lakers were clearly the best team in the postseason, but injuries cleared the way for them to go on one of those dominant 16-2 or 16-4 stretches, and they didn't; however, they could still make that kind of run next year.

#8: 2004 Detroit Pistons

Langston wanted them a notch lower because he feels that the Lakers infighting gave the Pistons their championship. He also kept pointing out that, while they were great defensively, they lacked offensive punch. Personally, I think they had the best starting lineup of the decade: Rasheed Wallace, Ben Wallace, Tayshaun Prince, Rip Hamilton, and Chauncey Billups. I also think their return trip to the Finals in '05 validates their '04 championship. Plus, they're the Atlanta Braves of the NBA, and I'm a Braves fan. I have to be impressed by the fact that they went to the Eastern Conference Finals every year from 2003 t0 2008, and one more thing, they made title belts.

#9: 2002 LA Lakers

Langston and I both agreed that this Lakers team was clearly the worst of their 3-peat that started the decade. Each year of that 3-peat the team got a little older, a little more disgruntled, and lost a few more pieces. All of the veteran players, like Glen Rice, AC Green, Horace Grant, Ron Harper, and Brian Shaw, were gone, and their replacements were Samaki Walker, Stanislav Medvedenko, Mark Madsen, and a completely washed-up Mitch Richmond. In other words, Horry, Fisher, Rick Fox, Devean George, and Lindsay Hunter really had to earn their worth, and they did against in the Western Conference Finals against a strong Sacramento Kings team. Of course, that series is why I have this team ranked #9. A lot of NBA fans complain about the playoffs being fixed, and I think that Kings series is the one that keeps such outlandish conspiracies alive.

#10: 2006 Miami Heat

Langston wanted them higher, but then he looked at the numbers. They were not an efficient team, allowing 104.5 points per every 100 possessions and only scoring 108.7 per every 100 possessions. The main reason Langston did want this team higher is because D-Wade's theatrics in the Finals may have made Mark Cuban's head explode multiple times. He also wants to thank Miami for taking Shaq off his Lakers' hands and paving the way for them to build their road to the '09 championship.

My main reasons for putting them this low are simple. They really were a patchwork team. When I look at their roster, I just feel like they were held together with duct tape and glue. They are a paper airplane in a fleet of fighter jets. Wade was amazing during the playoff run, scoring 28 a game and dishing out 5.7 assists. Shaq only scored 18 a game in the playoff and played only 33 mpg. The only other Heat player in double figures was Antoine Walker. Jason Williams started at the point, which I'm not sure is ever a great idea, and the only consistent role players were Alonzo Mourning, James Posey, and Udonis Haslem.

This team was by far the thinnest of all the championship teams over the last ten years. Then there's the fact that they haven't been past the first round since, and that 2 years after the title they only won 15 games. The Bulls without Jordan went to the 2nd round of the playoffs. The Spurs rebuilt while continuing to contend, not once but twice, and the Lakers were back in the playoffs two years after losing Shaq. The Pistons even continued to make the Eastern Conference Finals after dumping one of their cornerstones in Ben Wallace.

The Miami Heat clearly had the weakest foundation of all these teams, which may make what Shaq and D-Wade accomplished even more remarkable. Personally, I just wish Ginobili had kept his hands off of Dirk Nowitzki because I guarantee you, Mark Cuban, that the Spurs would not have blown a 2-0 lead against the Heat.

Later in the week, we'll review some of the more trivial items of the last decade. Thanks for reading.

The number of the day is:

48, as in Dwyane Wade scored 48 points last night in a double-overtime thriller against the Bulls. He also added 12 assists, six boards, four steals, and three blocks. But back to those 48 points, they came on an amazing 15-21 shooting from the field. Making him just the second player in the history of the league (joining Wilt Chamberlain) to have that many points and assists, while having that high of a field goal percentage (71 %). He also shot well from the line (13-18) and was lights out from downtown (5-6). Oh and it just so happens that one of those steals and three of those points won the game for the Heat, 130-127.