Empires in Decline: The Sun Sets on the Boston Celtics

The following four paragraphs were adapted from an article, in "The Wall Street Journal", entitled "Sun Setting on British Power" by Alistair MacDonald (we made them about basketball):

An Instructional Guide to Head Butting

Paul Pierce, you did a great job lining up and targeting your victim, but you need to follow through with force and determination. When head butting, one must be a bull or a torpedo, not a kitten rubbing its whiskers on its owner's leg. Watch Zidane focus in on his target, go in with authority, and then stand with real menace over his victim. We expect better, Paul, we expect better.

Bullet Points from the Celtics Sweep of the Knicks

While I grieve the shortcomings of my beloved San Antonio Spurs over at TFT, I'm going to take solace in the fact that they are not the only team struggling to meet expectations in this year's postseason (petty and nothing new, I know):


Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony got to the Prom only to have the liquor they took from their daddy's cabinet upset their stomachs. Drink too much of anything, whether it be alcohol or hype, and you can find your worldview shaped by porcelain. 

American Idol Judges the NBA's Eastern Conference Playoffs

Ryan Seacrest: We're down to sixteen contestants and breaking it all down for us tonight will be our three judges, offering up their best advice and critiques of the eight teams representing the League's Eastern Conference.

Paper Tigers: What Lessons Need to Be Learned by Miami's Big Three from Embarrassment

"Is Allah so unbending. . . . Should God be proud or humble, majestic or simple, yielding or un-? 

What kind of idea is he?What kind am I?"

--Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

I've got four years experience, but I am in no way an expert teacher. I still struggle sometimes with how to give upbeat criticism that doesn't crush a kid's hopes and inspirations. I also sometimes over react to small things, and I under react to big things. And I know there are times when my expectations grate on the kids, especially my AP students. I call them kids because sometimes I need to remind myself that they're still growing up and that car wash fundraisers and Prom and curfews are all more important to them than the knowledge to be found in 50 Essays. I call them kids because I need to remind myself that patience is required; they are not finished products--some of them aren't even on the same assembly line. But one of the few things I have learned in my short tenure as an educator is that students kids need to know you have a plan and they need to believe in it. And while they may not know every step of the plan or even need to know, you have to make them aware that the plan is a process and not an exact formula. The plan is never as simple as do this, then this, and then this happens. It's more like work on this, work on it some more, okay, now that you think you've mastered it, work on this new thing. It's frustrating. It's a battle of wills. It's cursing the powers that be, and it's wrestling with faith. No more. No less. Just complicated and tedious. Even painful.

Things the Celtics Do Besides Trade Away Kendrick Perkins

Let you go first in tic tac toe...

Atlantic Division Profiles: Rondo, the Dreamer

Russ gave us a factual breakdown of the Atlantic Division, and I'll be bringing you the stories of the Atlantic Division.  Langston and I did a couple of these last Spring and thought we'd have another go at it, so here we have the Rajon Rondo story, as inspired by his departure from the US national team this summer:

The night before he was scheduled to go to the moon Rajon Rondo dreamed he was sharpening knives, outside a carnival tent.  After he finished shaping each blade, he would polish it with a blue and white basketball jersey, as a dream catcher swayed over his head like a nylon net underneath an orange rim.

NBA Preview Part 1: Atlantic Division

It's October.  You have the NFL and college football in full swing. The MLB playoffs run throughout the month (Go Giants).  But it is also three weeks from the beginning of the most anticipated NBA season in recent memory.  Since we can't hold in this bottle of anticipation any longer, and aren't sure when we will see basketball again after this season, LCB is getting a head start with today's Atlantic Division preview.  I wanted to do an over/under regular season wins based on Vegas, but since it's still early, I haven't seen any released yet. For right now, I will use last year's win totals to make predictions, and in the coming days, Teach will be posting player "profiles."

1)  Boston Celtics
Last Year: 50-32, Lost in NBA Finals
Additions: Shaquille and Jermaine O'Neal
Subtractions: Rasheed Wallace, Kendrick Perkins until the All Star Break.

The Celtics made a surprise run to the NBA Finals and brought back the Big Three for one more opportunity at a title.  After Kendrick Perkins tore his ACL in Game 6 of the finals and will be shelved for the beginning of the season, the Celtics have turned to two old centers with the same last name.  The O'Neals will be needed to provide stability in the frontcourt and will need to stay healthy, which neither have been able to over the course of their careers.  If they can provide enough until Perk comes back, Rondo continues to be Rondo, and the Big 3 can stay relatively healthy, then I like the Celtics to slightly increase their total.
Prediction: 52-30


2) Toronto Raptors
Last Year: 40-42
Additions: Leandro Barbosa, Amir Johnson
Subtractions: Chris Bosh, Hedo Turkoglu

The Raptors offseason as been terribly similar to the Cleveland Cavs offseason, as the lost their franchise player Chris Bosh and didn't really add anybody of note. They should have attempted with Bosh what the Nuggets are doing with Melo. Trade him for something or lose him for nothing. They have a roster of good shooters and occasionally will be able to get hot and just outscore teams.  They also had the worst defensive team in the league last season, and have no proven interior scoring as Bargnani likes to camp out on the perimeter and shoot threes.  The will need to scrape together a season where they will be challenging for the league's worst record and depending on the bounce of a lottery ball. No brainer they will be lower than last year.
Prediction:  22-60


3)  New York Knicks
Last Year: 29-53
Additions: Amare Stoudemire, Raymond Felton, Anthony Randolph
Subtractions: David Lee, Al Harrington, Chris Duhon


It was a rather disappointing offseason for the Knicks as they are left wondering what could have been.  They lost out on the Lebron James sweepstakes and weren't able to pull in Dwyane Wade either.  They were able to grab Amare Stoudemire as a consolation prize, but the future of the franchise can't be reliant on a guy with a huge injury history, lack of defensive prowess, no proven leadership capacities, and abilities that are totally reliant on a pass first point guard like Steve Nash.  But he can be a piece of the puzzle, and the Knicks have some other pieces: Wilson Chandler, Danilo Gallinari, Anthony Randolph.  The Knicks will be better and they have players that are better suited to run Mike D'Antoni's system, but the future is still unknown, and they will need more to contend.
Prediction: 41-41 8th place first round exit


4)  Philadephia 76ers
Last Year: 27-55
Additions: Evan Turner, Andres Nocioni, Spencer Hawes
Subtractions: Samuel Dalembert, Allen Iverson

The 76ers had the pinball bounce their way in the draft lottery and were able to land a stud college player in Evan Turner with the second pick.  They made a good move by firing Eddie Jordan last year, as I don't believe he knows how to teach defense, but the Doug Collins hire was perplexing to say the least.  Just doesn't seem to fit with a team chock full of young players.  Most of their best returning players are young (Iguodala, Thaddeus Young, Jrue Holiday, Louis Williams, Marreese Speights) and I would expect them all to improve from a year ago.  There major weakness is in the interior, and they didn't do anything to address it and it will be hard to with the bad contract of Elton Brand. They will improve their win total and will challenge for a playoff spot, but won't be a serious factor because of the youth and lack of frontcourt defense.
Prediction: 38-44


5)  New Jersey Nets
Last Year: 12-70
Additions:  Avery Johnson, Derrick Favors, Jordan Farmar, Troy Murphy, Anthony Morrow, Brian Zoubek
Subtractions: Crappy players from a 12 win team.

Here is your cliche review of the Nets last season that you will see everywhere, "It couldn't get any worse for the Nets last season on their way to winning 12 games, but the good news is that they can only up from here"

Now that we can move on, I liked what the Nets did in the offseason.  When you only have 4 players left from a team that won 12 games, you have done what you can to change the culture of losing.  They were in the Lebron sweepstakes and lost, but it won't be disastrous like I think it was for the Knicks and Cavs.  They couldn't really grab any of the top flight free agents, but they didn't go overboard with any of the contracts they signed. They have some quick guards that can penetrate and have outside shooting, so their offense will be much better. Derrick Favors and Damion James will be productive NBA players. Brook Lopez and Troy Murphy will be provide interior scoring, but will have trouble with good interior players. They have some pieces, but this won't be an overnight fix and they won't be the worst team this year.
Prediction: 29-53

NBA Finals Recap: Jumping to Conclusions

I want to start off with a sincere apology for the extensive delay of my recap for the NBA finals; however, this delay did not come without reason and was partially done for the sake of sanity or at least the illusion of sanity.  Had I written this on Thursday, or even yesterday, I would have come off as a psycho, drunk on the successes of men I don't know and will never meet. Ever since the Lakers notched their second straight championship I could barely contain myself from grinning for more than a minute at a time. Now that my excitement has waned and I have regained my ability to withhold from smiling like a jackass, it's time for me to expound on an ugly game seven.

A Day in the Life: Kevin Garnett

Late Tuesday night, I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize.  I answered the phone with the typical excitement one has for a phone call at 2:30 in the morning. Fully expecting a drunken conversation with a forgotten friend, I was ready to answer, mumble it's late, and hang up, but to my surprise, the call was from Kevin Garnett's agent returning my request to interview a player I've always admired for his defensive intensity,  all-around skill, and passion for the game. That was in April and I never expected any feedback, let alone an interview. After all, I am just an unknown blogger for an unknown blog from an unknown town in Virginia.  Not everything goes as expected.  I got an interview with KG, and Game 3 of the NBA Finals may not have been the moment of crisis that everyone believed it to be.

Before arriving at the cafe in Chestnut Hill (where we agreed to meet), I was overcome with a nervous energy after thinking of the pure intensity with which he plays, and I wondered to myself if this volatility is for real or if it's all a show.  And who could blame me: what with all the incessant screaming, chest pounding, and browbeating. No one could be that intense, or could they? That's when I found out the truth. I walked up to the all-star, greeted with a hug, and as I escaped his embrace I got the following shot where he screamed at the top of his lungs about the availability of his favorite breakfast pastry.

This was certainly the most interesting situation I had ever been in, being screamed at  about the availability of scones, a snack usually reserved for quiet tea parties, hosted by gentle grandmothers. I tried my best to take it in stride. We had coffee. He had the scones he was looking for and we moved on to the next stop, the neighborhood grocery store. As we were entering the store, I wondered to myself what could he possibly be shopping for, I mean he must have a personal chef that does the shopping and cooking for him. Then I noticed KG was already at the other side of the grocery store, moving a mile a minute and talking even faster. Somehow I caught up to him, only to have him yell at me once again.

After his agent explained to him that I was not an employee of the Whole Foods store and that I'm the photographer following him for the day, he responds by informing me he just really needs apple sauce, that his craving for the food burns deep within his gut, and I didn't question the man or his cravings, no matter how odd they appeared to be.

We searched for apple sauce over the next twenty minutes.  He wanted "the southern kind with the redneck on the jar" (I was previously unaware that there was more than one type of apple sauce). Thankfully, I found someone who worked there. Before explaining what I was looking for, the clerk said "You're here with KG aren't you? Here's the apple sauce he wants." Dumbfounded, I asked how he knew what we wanted, and without skipping a beat, the clerk states, "KG comes in here twice a day for the same thing, and he never remembers where it is."

After handing off the apple sauce to Kevin, he responded by beating his chest and putting his head through a glass door in the milk aisle. After regaining his composure, we headed to his last errand. The last stop would be to pick out his outfit for the local Emmy's, for which he was presenting an award for best public access show. Once inside the clothier, I sat down expecting a long drawn out search for the perfect suit. Before I could check my watch for the time he appeared from out of nowhere dressed in a tux.

At that point, he introduced himself as if he were James Bond, prompting me to decide that my time was up, the interview was over. I had learned almost nothing about the man, other than when he screams that it's not just for show. It's just who he is, whether on the basketball court or in a grocery store looking for apple sauce. The man is G, KG! and he wants everyone to know that the Celtics still have a few bullets left in their gun--consider Game 4 a warning shot.

LCB Hoops Picks: NBA Finals Lakers v. Celtics

The NBA Finals are finally here and to ready you for this historic match-up, Russ and Langston got together to discuss the series. Their picks and more after the jump.

Career Metamorphosis: Kendrick Perkins, Hired Muscle

It would be easy to dismiss Kendrick Perkins as a mere brute. His 6'10" and 280 lbs. make him a tree trunk of a man, and his face is a grimace carved from stone--call him Mount Rushmore, but with a mean streak.

LCB Hoops Picks: Eastern Conference Finals

On Thursday the Celtics shocked the World by knocking off King James and his minions, setting the match-ups for the Conference Finals. In keeping with tradition, we're back to make our selections for the teams that will move on to the Championship. However with Berndon still getting acclimated to life at the Beach, you only have the word of Langston to ready you for this rematch of last years conference semifinals.

For Modernity's Sake: Round One of the NBA Playoffs

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. 

--F. Scott Fitzgerald                                                                                       

I have a hard time letting go of the past, especially the last decade, which is why the San Antonio versus Dallas series moves me to slouch into bed after midnight and crawl into school the next morning pushed forward by Yeats' gyres and, at most, five hours of sleep.  Relegated to the first round, for the second year in a row, this series is less than it once was, yet it feels more like the Playoffs than any other series being played this postseason, at least for someone who still refuses to fully embrace a new age of basketball with all of its new laws and forces, which just like the old laws and forces, leave a fan ignorant to do anything but applaud through the night and yawn through the day.  I'm tired.  I'm refreshed.  My existence is a tightrope through the tides of TNT.

Celtics Take 1-0 Lead Over Heat: "Two Comedians"

The Celtics won the first game of their first round series with the Heat by a score of 85-76.  The best player on the floor was clearly Dwyane Wade, who put together a stat line of 26 points, 8 rebounds, 6 assists, and 7 turnovers.  Paul Pierce once again showed off his fragility, whether it was due to his delicate physical state or needy emotional character is up for debate. KG elbowed ever closer to the status of a crotchety old man at the Y, growing more and more frustrated with the loss of his own athleticism and, therefore, his own importance, and, somehow, the real catalyst for these theatrics was the long lost court jester, Quentin Richardson, who found the inspiration (testicular fortitude) to take on the spineless role of Iago and whisper sweet nothings in the ear of KG.  KG's response got him suspended.  The Playoffs are clearly upon us, and this scene from Saturday night deserves its own Ed Hopper piece:

Romeo, played by a Kevin Garnett believed by some to be too old for the starring role, holds Juliet's head in his hands and weeps.  Juliet is played by an aging star as well, Paul Pierce, who has a reputation as a great actor in scenes containing the bed cousins of life and death, and even the occasional resurrection.  However, Pierce falters in scenes of the mundane, appearing bitter and cross that not every moment of his career can be seen as dramatic as bearing a cross on his way to the grave and, ultimately, his greatest triumph.  

In fact, Pierce's favorite role in his long career, that exists somewhere in the cloudy realm of better than good but not quite great, is the time he played Jesus in a Hollywood version of Jesus Christ Superstar.    The production was also the first time Pierce teamed up with Garnett, who played the part of the Virgin Mary.  Critics hailed the film as a real life example of the Immaculate Conception, or something out of nothing; after all, the cast did not even meet before shooting started, much less rehearse.  The chemistry between the two stars and their supporting cast was uncanny, as they and their agents had followed a bright star to Boston where a majority of the film took place.  Rajon Rondo was stunning as a more than tempting Mary Magdalene and Ray Allen possessed the knack of disappearing and then reappearing, with burro in hand, as the thankless, always mortal, father figure, Joseph, in The Greatest Story Ever Told.  

The film was an artistic achievement, as well as a box office smash, and the careers of the cast were finally embraced by a pantheon of past greats, that didn't seem to mind even the most expletive filled Awards speeches by Garnett, forgiving each f-word from out the Madonna's mouth as a sigh of relief that all her hard work and difficult choices, such as leaving the place of her birth, were not in vein.  Times were good, and most believed more were on their way, but the group's follow-up effort to their Biblical epic (fans loved their 2009 version of The Big Chill, while critics wondered why the most talented Celtic was cast as a dead man, whose scenes were cut from the final version, even if his death brought out the most from everyone else).  The epilogues of epic myths are often underwhelming in comparison to the stories that birthed them.

Now, the ensemble is reunited, and Kevin, his limbs trembling, cries into his Paul's closed eyes: "Oh, here/ Will I set up my everlasting rest/ And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars/ From this world-wearied flesh./ Eyes, look your last!/ Arms, take your--"

Paul jerks to life, wincing in pain, "Dude! don't squeeze my shoulder so hard!  I told ya'll I hurt it in dress rehearsal putting on my corset."  Kevin stares into Paul's now wild eyes, not knowing how to handles his co-star's ad-lib, whether to kiss him and die or to walk off the stage and say forget the whole thing, neither of us is a teenager anyway.  

"Man, this is terrible.  The lines aren't right.  Casting's terrible.  'Sheed's the only one pulling off his role as Mercutio, which means he's just gotta run his mouth," comes a voice from the front row, which Kevin and Paul can not see because of the stage lights.  "I should have listened to Joakim.  Ya'll lost whatever it is after spendin' last year singin' 'Ain't Too Proud to Beg' like you were a bunch of Kevin Klein's."  The voice, full of frustration, sounds exactly like Quentin Richardson and pauses to let the insults sink in, just long enough for someone to throw an elbow, but even Kevin's long arms can not reach all the way to the front row, if only he were closer.  "That's it.  I'm outta here.  I'm goin' to see Michael Bay's Transformers 3, starring LeBron and Shaq.  It'll be overhyped, but at least it's got some bad ass robots."    

The rest of the crowd erupts in applause.  After nearly an hour and a half, Quentin's monologue is the first genuine acting of the night.  Kevin can hear them picking up their things.  He can hear them moving to the ends of their aisles.  Here he is on the biggest stage in the world, playing one of the greatest parts in history, and the crowd doesn't even have the decency to watch him die--they'd rather follow this harlequin out the door to see some Hollywood bastardization of what was once a great '80s cartoon show.  Kevin can't stand it.  His eyes boil over with hatred.  All of his injuries, all of his pain, all the years of feeling like no one noticed him, he sees it all parading in front of him, following Quentin Richardson, as if Quentin were a pied piper leading all the snakes in Eden.  Kevin leaps off the stage screaming, throwing elbows, biting, pulling and pushing his way through the crowd.  They grab at him.  They try and stop him.  But somebody will die tonight.  It doesn't have to be Romeo.  It doesn't have to be Juliet.  All Kevin knows is that this play is a tragedy, and, as Kevin moves through the theatre like a tank in Tiananmen Square, a calm voice arises over the chaos, "For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo."  The voice is that of Dwyane Wade's, a man accustomed to getting the last word.