A conversation about the 2015-16 AFC East

Joining me for some sort of conversation about the AFC East are Christian Langlois and Joe Lederman:

The Leader of Men.

2009 AFC East Division Preview

In the past, we broke down every team in detail before the start of the season, but this year we decided to view each division as a dysfunctional American family and base our predictions off their family trees.

Family Portrait:

Place of Residence:

Some families are photogenic. Some families are wealthy. Some families are influential. Some families are all three, and it allows them to take an iconic position in the historical fabric of a society, allowing the family to reside in our hearts, with the opening and shutting of doors in their Brookline home or Cape Cod cottage serving as society's pulse.

Some doors close in death, preventing the perfect storm of youth and potential from ever achieving its desired impact as a Nor'easter, while other doors in the house remain forever open, allowing an undying nostalgia to constantly haunt and tarnish the accomplishments of the present, making today an underwhelming experience, constantly bathed in the shadows of yesterday. To some, even the sharp pain of the past is something to envy in light of the present's dull mediocrity.

Vacation Spot:

The family tends to vacation in Martha's Vineyard, but when the pressures of power, responsibility, and celebrity grow too great, many of the family's young men have gone in search of the nightlife, pounding cocktails in New York and waitresses in hotel rooms. These attempts to relax and forget have, at times, resulted in tragedy and embarrassment.

Favorite Pastime:

The family's tradition of sailing provides a natural testament from the Lord above that the winds and waves that harvest creation from the depths can also spring destruction, as if the most peaceful breezes and violent gales were all contained in the throwing motion of Dan Marino's Neptune-like arm. The hobby of sailing is there for all to see, but the family also takes part in darker practices that take place behind closed doors, in smoke-filled parlours. The family's most recent successes can be credited to voter fraud, driven by Mayor Bill Belichick's political machine.

Teach's Prediction:

With Tom Brady back, who else wins this division other than New England, even if there are some question marks on defense? The real battle in this division is between the Dolphins and Bills for second place. The Dolphins finished 11-5 last year, and the Bills, after starting 5-1, wound up 7-9. Looking at the Bills schedule, I think they'll have a hard time doing better than 7-9 again this year, unless the addition of T.O. causes Trent Edwards to blossom as a quarterback. Can the Bills count on T.O. breaking through with his version of "Born to Run?" Glancing at the Dolphins schedule, I don't see them doing much better than 8 to 9 wins, but that could be enough to finish runner-up to the Patriots and maybe, if they're lucky, even clinch a Wild Card berth. The only question remaining is whether Chad Pennington is the less sexy version of Marilyn Monroe, seeing as how he's been with two of the family's siblings.

Langston's Prediction:
The Jets return the AFC's leading rusher, while adding Mark Sanchez, who looks like the real deal, and the blitz heavy Rex Ryan as head coach. This combination will help them be a more competitive team in 2009; however, the ebbs and flows of a rookie QB will hinder them from keeping pace in this highly improved contested division.

The Dolphins learned how to win last season, and their playoff experience will give them confidence; however, with the rest of the league employing the wildcat, the Dolphins may be forced to rely more on the deftly accurate, yet meekly armed, Chad Pennington.

The Bills added Aaron Maybin on defense and TO on offense and will be going with the no huddle on offense, which will tire the defense and give Trent Edwards more time to decide whether to piss off T.O. or not. If they can survive the first four games without Marshawn Lynch, I see this team fighting for a wild-card spot, but there just isn't enough talent for them to keep pace with the Patriots.

Speaking of which, the Patriots and their leader Bill "How do I reach these keeeeds?" Belichick, should cruise to the division championship. The offense is loaded with Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Joey Galloway, Laurence Maroney, and Fred Taylor. Barring injuries, the defense will have to be downright pathetic for this team to lose more than 4 games and, therefore, the division.

Jason Taylor dances his way to Washington

Heres the report from Yahoo!

The Redskins gave the Dolphins a second-round pick in 2009 and a sixth-round choice in 2010 for Taylor.

The six-time Pro Bowl defensive end—who was the 2006 NFL Defensive Player of the Year—fell out of favor in Miami after spending his offseason on the TV show “Dancing With the Stars” rather than working out with teammates.

The deal came about nine hours after starting defensive end Phillip Daniels was carted away from the practice field at Redskins Park with a season-ending left knee injury on Day 1 of training camp.

It also came only about 1 1/2 hours after Washington executive vice president Vinny Cerrato told reporters: “We haven’t talked to anybody about anything.”

Cerrato said Taylor is expected to report to training camp on Monday.

“We’re fortunate there was a guy that caliber on the market when somebody got hurt,” Cerrato said. “Normally, in most years, there’s not a guy of that caliber on the market.”

More on the trade after the jump


At first this seems like the old Daniel Snyder coming out, trading picks away like they are baseball cards for veterans. But Jason Taylor is in the best shape of his life, and without the injury to Philip Daniels this probably would not have happened. This is a fantastic trade for the Redskins and now they will have a great player up front, to put pressure on the QB and help out their thin secondary. This also means it will be just a matter of time before he appears in an Eastern Motors commercial. For those of you who are unlucky and don't know what Eastern Motors is, heres a clip.



FYI, Cooley will be joining the Eastern Motors team this upcoming season.

Time Wasters: Lets Ram It

I take back everything I said yesterday about how awesome the Silver and Black Attack song is, this song by the then LA Rams trumps anything done by the Bears or the Raiders. The lyrics are unintentionally dirty and would better suit Kool Keith. With a chorus line that says " If you can ram it right, you can ram it all night", this video became an instant classic. Eric Dickerson is in it too. Clip after the jump

I challenge anyone to count all the obvious sexual innuendo in this video, I lost count.



The awesomely bad videos from NFL teams don't stop there, the next is the Seattle Seahawks. I don't think I can due this video justice with words. So just watch.


Seriously a saxophone solo in the shower, so bicurious. Last but not least is the Miami Dolphins, I mean Cory and the Fins. The dolphins left the terrible rapping to Cory and the Fins.



Its hard to put a label on which one is the worst, but I know one video that is a league of its own of terribleness. Click here for the gem from the Glasgow Diamonds.

2008 NFL Season Previews:# 31 Miami Dolphins

Team: Miami Dolphins
Division: AFC East
Last Years Record: 1-15
Head Coach: Tony Sparano
Offensive Coordinator: Dan Henning
Defensive Coordinator: Paul Pasqualoni

Schedule(home games in BOLD):

Week 1 : SEPT. 7 NEW YORK JETS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 2 : Sept. 14 @ Arizona Cardinals 4:15 p.m. CBS
Week 3 : Sept. 21 @ NE Patriots 1:00 p.m. CBS
Week 4 : SEPT. 28 BYE WEEKEND
Week 5 : OCT. 5 SD CHARGERS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 6 : Oct. 12 @ Houston Texans 1:00 p.m. CBS
Week 7 : OCT. 19 BALTIMORE RAVENS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 8 : OCT. 26 BUFFALO BILLS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 9 : Nov. 2 @ Denver Broncos 4:05 p.m. CBS
Week 10: NOV. 9 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 1:00 P.M. FOX
Week 11: NOV. 16 OAKLAND RAIDERS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 12 : NOV. 23 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 1:00 P.M. CBS
Week 13 : Nov. 30 @ St. Louis Rams 1:00 p.m. CBS
Week 14 : Dec. 7 @ Buffalo Bills (Toronto) 4:05 p.m.#CBS
Week 15 : DEC. 14 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 1:00 P.M. FOX
Week 16 : Dec. 21 @ Kansas City Chiefs 1:00 p.m. CBS
Week 17 : Dec. 28 @ New York Jets 1:00 p.m. CBS

Key Losses:
Zach Thomas
Marty Booker
Lance Schulters
Travares Tillman
LJ Shelton
Rex Hadnot
Cleo Lemon


Key Additions:Jake Long
Akin Ayodele
Chris Crocker
Anthony Fasano
Ernest Wilford
Josh McCown
Jason Ferguson


Breakdown of the offense: When you visit the Miami Dolphins website they show you their theme for the year, Break The Code. The code is all of the principals of football; discipline, hard work, etc etc. Last years the Dolphins were historically bad on offense and they could not break the code let alone the line of scrimmage, and with this years biggest aquisition being Jake Long it may take bringing in Nicholas Cage to break the code. With Parcells making all the moves and his disciple Tony Sparano (so thats why it went black, they moved to Miami and didn't want to piss of Jet fans) calling the shots, this team will bring itself back, eventually. Jake Long is a nice building block, but the QBs are young or Josh McCown. The wide recieving core is lackluster, after the lightning fast Ted Ginn Jr. the talent level drops immensly. The strong point of this offense will be the running game if they can stay healthy. That is a big if, Ronnie Brown is coming back from a torn ACL and Ricky Williams played in one game before getting his shoulder stepped on. Ricky has plenty of reason to play good,;he is in the last year of his contract, he has a smattering of kids, and is only making the league minimum. If he wants to stay in the NFL, he will have to bounce back. The duo, when healthy can be dangerous, in 2005 they combined for 1600 yards. The Dolphins second best move was bringing in Dan Henning who helped the Panthers take their offense off the ground and reach the Super Bowl within two years of his arrival. This offense will be based on power-running and play-action passing, so for the Dolphins sake they need to stay healthy or this offense can't take off.

Breakdown of the defense: For a team that is coming back from 1-15 record, their defense is not at bad as you would expect. Nose tackle Jason Ferguson comes over from Dallas to plug the gap in the 3-4 scheme. Vonnie Holiday and Jason Taylor aren't getting any younger while Matt Roth and Quentin Moses (Teach's former basketball teammate from 7th grade) were hardly noticeable as rookies. Taylor notched 11 sacks last season, but six of those came after the Dolphins were already 0-10. All signs point to the Dolphins not wanting to get rid of Taylor right now, but it will be interesting to see how he performs after such a tumultuous offseason. Zach Thomas' shoes will be tough to fill at middle linebacker, but Channing Crowder and Akin Adoyele will team up to try. A healthy and motivated Joey Porter could be poised for his best season in several years, but most likely he will just yap alot and get his goons to take care of it. The Dolphins really struggled at the safety spot in 2007, sifting through eight starters, but it looks like they've finally found their guy with Chris Crocker. Jason Allen is constantly improving at the other safety spot, since they have stopped shuttling him back and forth between corner and safety. Will Allen and Andre' Goodman will take most of the snaps at the cornerback spots, so have fun with that Todd Bowles.

Breakdown of the Special Teams:
Jay Feely is getting better with age, coming off a stellar season, setting a franchise record by hitting 91.3% of his attempts (21 of 23). Punter Brandon Fields is steadily improving with an 43.2 yard average and placing 10 punts within the 10 yard line. Tedd Ginn Jr. has the potential to be one of the best return men in the NFL.

Position Grades:
QB's: D+ ; This group is full of inexperience and has a lack of arm power. This lack of arm power effects Ted Ginns ability to stretch the field, and turns him into a possession reciever. John Beck(reminds me of Chad Pennington without the smarts), is going to be the starter. But he and his backups Chad Henne(coming off of shoulder injury) and Josh McCown(12-19 as a starter) are nothing to write home about.

RB's : B-, Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are a good duo, they just need to stay healthy.

Wr/TE: D-, The only reason they didn't get an F is because of Ted Ginn Jr. and Ernest Wilford, the WR core is thin and full of no-names. The TE's can block; but with Peelle, David Martin, Sean Ryan, and Anthony Fasano who is going to catch the ball.

O-Line: C, Jake Long instantly upgrades the unit, especially in the running game. Before injuries last season this group was jelling, helping the rb's to a 4.5 yards a carry last season for the first 7 games. The passing game is where this group needs to improve, they allowed 42 sacks last season 25 of those in the last 6 games.

D-line: C+, Jason Taylor and Vonnie Holiday are older, but Taylor is in the best shape of his life after DWTS. This groups success rate will weigh heavily on Jason Ferguson at nose tackle and the young guys (Phillip Merling, Quentin Moses, and Matt Roth) need to improve.

LBs: B-, Channing Crowder, Akin Ayodele, Reggie Torbor, and Joey Porter will start. This group needs to stay focused and remember that Zach Thomas won't be there to bail them out. If they can do that, this will be the strengh of the defense.

DBs: D, After the wide receiving core, this is probably the worst unit on the team. Will Allen brings leadership but he brings age as well. Jason Allen will be the best of this bunch as he gets more comfortable playing safety.

Season Outlook: 4-6 wins, Bill Parcells brings instant credibility, and when he comes into these situations it doesn't take long for him to win. He usually takes two years to get teams back in the playoffs, this year won't be any different. The team is going to be more watchable this season, and is going to playing on Hope, hope they can find a suitable replacement for Dan Marino.

LCB Staff Opinions:

Berndons4 Thoughts: Atleast Jason Taylor can dance. There are not too many positives with this team, and I think there is a 50-50 chance Bill Parcells kills someone by midseason. They might have a fighting chance on offense if Ronnie Brown comes back from injury.

Teachs Thoughts: Atleast global warming won't flood Miami for another decade or so.

Note to Channing Crowder, stay away from Coach Sparano's daughter(NSFW)

Sorry I had to do it.

Miami Dolphins.com